Locked and Loaded Last Night

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by bambam, Feb 4, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. bambam

    bambam Member

    Was all ready to do it last night but chickened out once again. Stuck something inside my mouth but couldn't finish what I thought I wanted to do. I miss my wife (passed away 9-3-11) married for 14 years. I haven't got kids, haven't talked to family in 8 years and no friends to speak of. Why should I stick around, I keep asking myself every second every minute of every hour each day. I want to close my eyes and never wake up every night I go to sleep. I cuss at God and the Devil because neither one will step up and take me out of this world. God must not love me or I must not Love God enough for him to end this misery I'm living. Went to see a Shrink yesterday and he tells me he doesn't care if I get better or not. It doesn't matter to him either way. He said he'll provide me the tools to get better but didn't care as long as he gets paid. Is he calling my bluff? Why would someone say that to a 1st time visitor? Told him I'm having lucid dreams where I'm seeing people around my bed and in my bed with me. People following me in the darkness of the night. He says lots of people have this going on. I'm not crazy. I'm telling this guy I feel like I'm going nuts and he says I'm fine. WTF I think he might be the crazy one. He ask if I'm suicidel and I tell him gun oil taste like shit and he doesn't say a word.......
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    How awful!! the therapist you went to see should be met with the fate you describe for yourself; not by what he said, per se, but by not checking how it would affect you...you have been through such a devastating trauma, one which happened less than a yr ago...what does he or others expect? There are a handful of members whose spouses have died, some rather recently, maybe forming a support group with them might be helpful...although I have an empathy for what has happened to you, they have lived it, which brings a unique authenticity to their understanding...please continue to post, and PM me if I can lend a listening ear (really watchful eye becuz its cyber) warm, caring thought
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think that people in the mental health care field will often put some distance between themselves and patients. I don't hold that against them, in so far as some distance may be necessary for them to function. What was said to you seems really unnecessarily blunt and indifferent. You might want to see someone else who is more caring.

    It's extremely painful to lose someone that you love. I don't know if this is the right thing to say, but the love that you had together is something that many people will never have. It's painful to lose the one you love, but I bet you don't wish that you never met her.

    I bet your wife would want you to get better. Hopefully you can get some better help to do that. Do you think that you could reconnect with any of your family members? sometimes family members are bad, and it's better to stay away from them, but sometimes there are some good relationships that are worth rekindling. I don't know what your family relationships are like, but it could be that you have a family member who misses you and who would want to be in touch.

    please get rid of the gun and keep talking to us here!
  4. bambam

    bambam Member

    Well I'm almost finished with my note tonight. I hope that if I keep writing I won't do it but I've caught onto it. I need to quit being a pussy and just do it. I have wrapped my head with two towels to cut down on the mess it will cause. Locked the dog up in the other room and all. I think it's best to go ahead and call 911 right before I do it so I don't stink up the house for a couple days before someone comes looking for me. What do you think I should tell the operator when I call?
  5. LoveNeverFails

    LoveNeverFails Banned Member

    Hey 'bambam' I love you and I want you to put the gun down and listen to me. I love you and life is worth living for. Hold on a little while longer. I have answers you've been looking for. Can we talk. I love you and care about you a lot.
  6. emoprincess

    emoprincess Well-Known Member

    Bambam, are you ok?
    Please tell me you're still here.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.