I decided three years ago to kill myself and I've been trying ever since. It could work, too, but I always chicken out and call someone right before I black out. Then I spend a week or two in a hospital and everyone watches me to make sure I don't try again. I wouldn't say that this is always an emotional decision. I want to die, period. Sometimes certain emotions, like stress or anger, push the timeline up a bit, but I've tried to kill myself when I felt fine emotionally. I've spent a great deal of time thinking about the reasons I want to end my life. It's not because I want revenge and it's NOT a cry for help. It's simply that I've weighed the good against the bad in my life and living simply is not worth it. I've heard all the cliches..."permanent solution to a temporary problem"..."you'll never get to find out"...etc. You've heard them all, too. Yes, I know life will get better. Yes, my depression does lift. But life always gets worse again, and my depression always comes back. Life will always have its ups and downs...I truly do not believe it's worth it. Aside from that, I am just plain exhausted. I'm tired of stress; I'm sick of dealing with other people's crap; I'm frustrated with my life in general. It's not just a physical exhaustion...it's a full-on mental/emotional/physical/spiritual exhaustion that I just cannot handle for much longer. Yes, I am seeing a therapist, and yes, I am on medication and yes, both are starting to help. I just don't know if they will work quickly enough and I do not believe either will be able to lift me out of this bone-deep exhaustion that invades my every day. It's affecting my work life, my home life, my relationships with others... I'm sick of trying to die and failing, and if I had a sure-fire way to end my life I would. Every time I get a headache or a side pain I hope it's cancer or my liver failing or something. I'm just sick of life.