Loneliness and yearning is killing me.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by SugarPoison, Jun 20, 2009.

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  1. SugarPoison

    SugarPoison Member

    Help me please!

    I fell in love with someone last year. They hurt me over and over again. They told me I was revolting, how no one would want me, how it's no surprise my dad left because no one would want a daughter like me, how I'm worthless, how everyone else is better than me, and he used to treat other girls so much better than me. He made me feel awful and I went into psychological depression for a year. After one night, he was extremely nasty to me, I couldn't take it anymore and I fell out of love with him. I was so relieved.

    That was until I grew attatched to him again. :sad:
    He changed his mobile number and msn so I could not contact him. He lied to me, claiming he had not been online because his Uni network had gone down. I checked his facebook through a friends facebook (I'm blocked) and he had been online the whole time. I was so upset. I then found out he had changed his msn through his friends, they won't give me his new msn though.

    I miss him terribly. I'm really depressed all the time. I've got exams to study for and I just can't because I know I can't go onto my laptop and speak to him. I'm only happy when I see him online. He was my outlet to reality. Now I have no outlet and I'm stressed, angry and really depressed. So much that I ended up punching a girl in the face the other day at a party.

    The guy disappeared because I told him I reported him to the police for harrassment because of his previous actions to me. He's also an adult and I'm a child (don't worry, 16 and 19). He went offline a little while later and he hasn't been on since. I texted him and that was when he claimed about his network being down and he lied. He has only been on Facebook, not on twitter and he signed out of Youtube and Deviantart to avoid me seeing him online. He's clearly scared. I emailed him telling him I had sorted out the police situation and he only had to come online to sort it out. He ignored me.

    I hate myself for liking him and missing him and even thinking about him. He doesn't deserve. I've tried moving on but I just can't. I'm drinking away the thought of him with alcohol. I'm complaning to my fed up friends about it every single day; they try and help but fail too, I'm still depressed.

    When I was madly in love with him last year, I cut myself because of what he said to me and tried to commit suicide twice. Yet I still loved him.

    He doesn't care. He doesn't miss me. I don't cross his mind once. I only want to sort things out with him so I know he is there for me to speak to and outlet to. It's crazy. Why do I feel like this? Why can't my heart see that he is bad? Why can't I stop missing him? Will he come back online when he has finished University? He's got his friends lying for him to people, telling them to tell others that he hasn't changed his msn at all. He must of done, because I search it on facebook and it usually comes up his facebook, it doesn't anymore for anyone, even unblocked people.

    I don't understand why he has done this. He disappears, changes his contact details after lying to me and stays hidden for over 3 weeks to avoid me. Yet he still talks to everyone else fine. I've done nothing wrong. Is it because he wants space? Or because he wants to hurt me and make me think about him?

    I have a horrible gut feeling that this is it for good. I will never talk to him again. He has to sign back into Youtube and Deviantart one day, right? :sad:

    I hate this. I feel like I'm never going to love anyone else. I have never loved anyone as much as I have him. It all built up slowly and special things happened which built up to me being 100% in love with him. I seriously cannot ever seeing this happening again, it's too big a thing, with so much going into it. It makes me feel ill to think I will never love someone again, or at least, never love anyone as much again.

    Does love happen more than once in a lifetime? Has anyone here ever fell so madly in love more than once in their life for definite?

    Please, I need advice. What can I do? I've tried to keep busy to get him off my mind, but this has led to me studying too hard, meaning I need more breaks, meaning I go onto the laptop and start missing him again. :sad:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2009
  2. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    What worries me more is that you are in a position to be an abused girlfriend or eventually wife. If possible, you really should get therapy to figure out why you want to place yourself into this position. If you do not work on this, you may become the classic abused girl/woman. Please begin to work on this to make your life better.
  3. kiera

    kiera Member

    Your self-esteem is so low, you almost sound co-dependent. What was your upbringing like? I really think you should talk through your emotions and try to understand why it is your attracted to someone who treats you so badly.

    If it is co-dependency then this will definatley help.

    and yes.. its possible to fall in love again and i hope you stick around long enough to find that out. x
  4. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    I can totally understand what you're going through.

    Your self esteem is pretty low. That's why you allow him to treat you this way. You need to cut it off cold turkey. No more internet checking, no more anything. You're just hurting yourself.

    Time is THE only thing thing that will make this better and you need to start today and NOW. The sooner you make NOW your priority, the FASTER you will get over him.

    Trust me. A guy treated me the same way a few years back. When I stopped chasing him, he started chasing me, but by then, I let TIME pass where I didn't want him anymore.
  5. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I want to say this very politely, and I hope that you dont take it too seriously, but you need to forget about him. He obviously doesnt want anything to do with you, and the more you try to change that, the worse that will be.

    PLEASE GET SOME THEREPY! First of all, if I was him, I would literally be scared of my own life from your actions. What would you think if it was the other way around? Imagine yourself having reported him to the police, and then you trying to stay with him. Do you think anyone, whether man or woman would not be afraid of you?

    I know I was very harsh, but you have your whole life ahead of you! There is someone out there for you! But you need to treat him, as you would wish him to treat you! I bet you want to be treated like the wonderful woman that you are, and that guy will want to be treated as the great guy he is.

    1) Realize that he's not interested anymore, and you have to move on. Once you realize this, then your feelings for him will go away with time.

    2) You really need professional help to do 1).

    3) You are still very young! Go to college, get your degree, and then try to have fun! Eventually a guy will fall for you for your great attitude!

    4) Even though it seems like it cant go anyworse, hurting yourself will make it worse. Its very important to do something in life that is fun, and takes your mind off of it! Get a bike and go ride, go to the gym, go find a club to be a part of, if you are religious, find a good church and youth/young adult group!. Do something!

    Take care and god bless.. you can message me if you like to talk.
  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Everyone else has given really good advice and i don't have anything to add right now. I just wanted to say please get some help for yourself. It's the best thing for you. :hug:
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