loneliness can break your soul

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nothing-, Jan 17, 2007.

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  1. nothing-

    nothing- Guest

    i haven't been here for a while, but i'm back again.

    still feeling completely lonely.

    the feeling is something unique. something that you can never understand unless you're there yourself. the feeling of being unloved, unwanted. of having no friends, and of never being close with the opposite sex. watching your life crumble away and pass you by. it's like those movies where the kid is stuck indoors watching everyone else play outside. when you want more than anything to play, too.

    i feel disgusting. unloveable and unwantable. trapped in a grotesque body that no one could ever love. i hate myself and the person i've become. i am completely insecure about my appearance, and for good reason. i don't know why anyone would ever want to associate themselves with me. fat, short, ugly, disgusting. i look like i was beaten with an ugly stick.

    being lonely for an extended period of time is absolutely soul crushing. i sometimes feel like i'm losing my mind. i talk on the internet sometimes, but that doesn't help much. i guess it does keep me from going completely over the edge. i've fallen into an extreme rut of depression. the feeling is hopelessness.

    i don't want to kill myself, but i always think about it. i try hard to eliminate that option, but it's always there.

    i'm sorry for posting something like this. i know it's hard to give advice/help for someone like me. i just wanted to get this off my chest and see if maybe there is anyone that can relate...
     
  2. Cluster

    Cluster Active Member

    I relate to your feelings because I've been there, and I think I'm still there if that makes sense. What kept me strong through these feelings is hope. Like do you have any passions? For music maybe? Do you hope to acheive something? Because you can actually do or be anything you want, it's only a matter of how strong your dream is and how much you want to work for it.
    When you're thinking about suicide you should think about the things that make you happy and hold on to your hopes and dreams. That's how it's working for me I guess.
    I see your self confidence is very low because youre calling yourself those things. I also understand what you mean by the lonliness, but there will be a time in your life when this is nomore and you will be happy that you have fought through this hard period of time. When people treat you badly, it makes you a stronger person. There will be a day when you will be proud that you got through everything.
     
  3. nothing-

    nothing- Guest

    I sincerely hope you're right. My main problem is that I live at home still, and we live outside of walking distance of any towns. I don't have my drivers license, so I am basically trapped here. I graduated highschool 2 years ago, and then we moved here. I don't know why I didn't do anything about it. It's my fault. I was just so apathetic about everything. I'm 21 and I don't even have my learners permit to drive. I'm stuck here, alone every day, and it's my own damn fault. I just sit and eat and get fatter. I hated to think about my future, and I still do. I just lived day by day, doing whatever pleased me for that day and not caring about tomorrow. Now it's caught up to me and I don't even know what I'm doing.
     
  4. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Ah yes, I also can totally relate to you about lonliness, haven't had friends in a long time, never had a girlfirend, probably never will. Probably the only one at my university to not have made any friends and whatnot. Sorry for the nonsensical post, I'm just like you and can relate to you a lot. Sorry I don't have much more to say for now.
     
  5. nothing-

    nothing- Guest

    this probably sounds trivial to people here with actual big problems, but it's not trivial to me. you can't even begin to understand how this feels if you've never been there yourself. it's the feeling of being unwanted by anyone. like you're the only person in the world...

    i disgust myself. this whole thing is my own fault. there doesn't even seem to be a way out anymore.
     
  6. bumper

    bumper Well-Known Member

    I don't think it's trivial at all. I've experienced a lot of pain in my life, both mental and physical. And loneliness is by far the worst pain of all.
     
  7. dropmealine

    dropmealine Well-Known Member

    I can quite relate:

    -I live at home still
    -we live outside of walking distance of any(thing major)
    -I don't have (anything to) drive , so I am basically trapped here (except for the bus, which is painful to take and robs me of motivation to do anything)
    -I didn't do anything about it. It's my fault. I was just so apathetic about everything.
    -I'm 22
    -I'm stuck ....(pretty much) alone every day, and it's my own damn fault.
    -I hate to think about my future
    -I just live day by day
    -I don't even know what I'm doing
     
  8. Cheryl

    Cheryl Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you're feeling so yucky right now.

    Oh, I can relate. I have been there several times in my life. And, I didn't think I would ever make it through. I made an unsuccessful suicide attempt...because of the pain I was in.

    Your feelings are raw and real....but, they're not forever. I know its hard to believe right now. I hated myself. I hated my life. I was full of self hatred and self loathing....and I didn't see a way out. In my mind, I lived in a hopeless prison.

    Its been seven years since I felt those feelings. They didn't go away over night. But, they did go away. I would be happy to talk with you via PM if you would like to chat further....I believe I can help...
     
  9. deathwalking

    deathwalking Well-Known Member

    Cheryl...How in the world can you say his feelings of desperation will go away?Lets not lie to anybody.Just because yours did...what does that mean?Im not saying it's hopeless, but im being realistic....it probably WILL get better and maybe it wont...steele yourself now for the worst....you'll be stronger for it.
     
  10. Cheryl

    Cheryl Well-Known Member

    Feelings change and often change depending on the circumstances we find ourselves in. This is a fact. And my experience tells me that things DO GET BETTER. I don't spend my life preparing for the worst.... I can see how things might never get better if all I did was sit around and prepare for the worst. That's not a pleasant existence.

    Reality is that seasons come and seasons go. Life is always changing. And more times than not THINGS DO GET BETTER. We get stronger when we get help, when we ask for support.....that's when things get better. We get stronger (better) when we learn how to cope with the "not so good times" life brings all of us. And, none of us can do this on our own. We all need help and support.
     
  11. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    hi nothing,
    i understand all too well that horrid feeling of being so alone and not having a soul to share yourself with. it makes you feel like you've scored a zero in this game of life. it's like we're working to become someone for no one, so what's the point right. the lonliest feeling. i understand you and holy jesus i wish i didn't. i blamed myself for my lonliness too and felt like there was no way out, but maybe, this is the way out. being here now. if you ever need someone to just talk to, about anything at all, you can PM me anytime. sometimes that's all we need, just a kind ear.
    i'm aware it might not be a solution to the devastation you feel, but it may be worth a try.
     
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