Before I get into my problems, I want to tell you that I know my life is nowhere near as difficult as some people posting on this forum. Knowing that others have it harder than me doesn't make dealing with my issues any easier though. I am a nineteen year old male. I hope I don't sound conceited, because I'm not in person. I think finally expressing my feelings made me a bit angry and jealous of others. Over the past few years I've dealt with depression, but not from any particularly difficult life situations. My depression is caused by a number of things wrong with my life that sum up to make living unbearable. Most of my problems seem to be rooted in my lack of social skills and like-ability. No matter how hard working (grades in the 85-95% range), in shape (used to be in my case), interesting, unique, and skilled you are, bad social skills can ruin your life. I have no friends, maybe I hang out with someone once every couple of months. I was always a good friend when it came to serious situations, but I guess they're more selfish than I am. I'm not bad looking aside from gaining some weight after my father passing and my friends forgetting about me (they didn't even care after I snapped and spent a month in the mental ward). I see guys less good looking than me that date (or just casually fool around with) girls that I could only dream of having. Even in grade nine when I was far stronger than guys my age from weight lifting and doing core exercises to get a defined stomach, I still couldn't get girls because of my social ability. Being a virgin doesn't help my situation at all. I was seeing a girl a few years ago and we were going to sleep together after seeing each other for a while, but she was raped by her neighbour and I wasn't sure if I wanted her to be my first because I didn't like her personality that much (it was just uncomfortable overall and I backed out, I thought it was odd she still wanted me after that experience). I used to have hot girls flirt with me, but was too awkward to make a move... guess it's too late at this point. Now my social ability and the depression it causes is harming my ability to work hard and achieve something in life. For a computer hobbyist/overclocker I'm relatively skilled and my computer science teacher from high school agrees, but my loneliness saps my ability to do any work so I haven't gone to college despite being accepted to every program I've applied to. I'm not sure if this life is worth it if my social skills cause me to wish I weren't alive. I want to do good things with my life and these bad experiences have developed my personality beyond the petty things most people care about, but if I keep feeling this way I might eventually end things prematurely. Even if I make it out of my problems, what is so great on the other side. More loneliness and an inability to have a family or life outside work because I'm not sociable?