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Loneliness is killer.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by toddthemetalgod, May 3, 2015.

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  1. toddthemetalgod

    toddthemetalgod SF Supporter

    Before I get into my problems, I want to tell you that I know my life is nowhere near as difficult as some people posting on this forum. Knowing that others have it harder than me doesn't make dealing with my issues any easier though. I am a nineteen year old male. I hope I don't sound conceited, because I'm not in person. I think finally expressing my feelings made me a bit angry and jealous of others.

    Over the past few years I've dealt with depression, but not from any particularly difficult life situations. My depression is caused by a number of things wrong with my life that sum up to make living unbearable. Most of my problems seem to be rooted in my lack of social skills and like-ability. No matter how hard working (grades in the 85-95% range), in shape (used to be in my case), interesting, unique, and skilled you are, bad social skills can ruin your life. I have no friends, maybe I hang out with someone once every couple of months. I was always a good friend when it came to serious situations, but I guess they're more selfish than I am. I'm not bad looking aside from gaining some weight after my father passing and my friends forgetting about me (they didn't even care after I snapped and spent a month in the mental ward). I see guys less good looking than me that date (or just casually fool around with) girls that I could only dream of having. Even in grade nine when I was far stronger than guys my age from weight lifting and doing core exercises to get a defined stomach, I still couldn't get girls because of my social ability. Being a virgin doesn't help my situation at all. I was seeing a girl a few years ago and we were going to sleep together after seeing each other for a while, but she was raped by her neighbour and I wasn't sure if I wanted her to be my first because I didn't like her personality that much (it was just uncomfortable overall and I backed out, I thought it was odd she still wanted me after that experience). I used to have hot girls flirt with me, but was too awkward to make a move... guess it's too late at this point. Now my social ability and the depression it causes is harming my ability to work hard and achieve something in life. For a computer hobbyist/overclocker I'm relatively skilled and my computer science teacher from high school agrees, but my loneliness saps my ability to do any work so I haven't gone to college despite being accepted to every program I've applied to.

    I'm not sure if this life is worth it if my social skills cause me to wish I weren't alive. I want to do good things with my life and these bad experiences have developed my personality beyond the petty things most people care about, but if I keep feeling this way I might eventually end things prematurely. Even if I make it out of my problems, what is so great on the other side. More loneliness and an inability to have a family or life outside work because I'm not sociable?
  2. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    It doesn't matter how difficult you consider your life to be in relation to others, people have different levels of emotional pain tolerance. If your current situation is hurting you personally, then you have every right to ask for help.

    I lack severely in the social-skills department and likability as well, at least when interacting in the real world. I find it easy to make friends online, as my personality comes out much more easily here, and I've been told I'm actually quite likable (only online, in the real world, people seem to be scared to approach me). You might be against the idea, but I would consider trying to make some online best friends- ever since I started talking to people online, my loneliness disappeared. People online tend to take off the mask that they usually wear in the real world, their real personality is what they display in most cases. This makes it a lot easier to make genuine friendships in my opinion.

    As for the whole virginity thing, there's no shame in being one. The fact that a girl wanted to sleep with you should be enough to boost your confidence in that aspect, I would think. Anyways, virginity doesn't mean much; people just make way too much of a fuss about it for no real reason. This might not sound like much coming from someone like myself (a virgin), but I think sex is only worth it if it was with someone I had feelings for, be it romantically or a very close friendship, as it'd feel empty doing it with anyone else.

    You say it's too late for you to find a girl, but that's not true. You might find that special someone some day, don't lose hope! There are tons of different kinds of people in this world, there's probably millions that are compatible with you.

    Anyways, best of luck- I hope you can find some meaningful friendships! Sorry if I wasn't of any use, I just wanted to try at least.
  3. Yoyogirl86

    Yoyogirl86 Well-Known Member

    Have you spoken to someone about how you feel and see what they say, I am sure someone can put you in touch with things to do keep you occupied. Do you have online friends?
  4. toddthemetalgod

    toddthemetalgod SF Supporter

    Thanks for the replies. Maybe I'll give making some friends online a shot, and I'm planning on going to college in September so hopefully I can be less awkward and make some new friends at school. I've been told sex isn't that big of a deal, but when I haven't been intimate with a girl for a long time it can bug me a lot.

    I think that it annoys me that some people won't give me a chance to be a friend when they don't know me at all. I've always had this reputation of being a nerd (and I definitely was stereotypical in elementary school), but my personality isn't the same now. It just sucks that people are so judgemental.

    I've talked to people about it, but they don't really understand. I guess they think that being depressed is normal (confusing it with sadness) and that when I say I wish I was dead I'm exaggerating. Either that, or they just don't care enough.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2015
  5. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    From my experience, college students are much more reasonable and mature than highschool students, so hopefully you don't get judged as much.

    It's good that you're gonna give online friends a shot. You know, for some reason I don't even try to make friends with people IRL anymore; It always seems like any relationships I make IRL are empty or fake. Nothing feels as real as the bonds I've formed online for some reason. It might not be the same for you, that's just how it is for me.

    It's hard to find genuinely good people, but I'm sure that you'll meet someone who is willing to properly listen and that cares, if you look hard enough.
  6. SDG

    SDG Member

    I very much understand your feelings, and I can relate, in ways. My struggles or problems have not been as extreme as yours, but I have experienced totally violent and jarring pain, just from loneliness. I know how everything seems so incredibly bleak, and your future might seem totally hopeless. I know the feeling exactly. I'm so sorry. Life has its ups and downs, however, from my experience, and I think that if you choose to stay, you will be glad you did.

    I know what it feels like to be a virgin and wish you weren't. Society makes it seem like you have to have sex all the time to be worth anything. Sex is far overrated. And, even when you don't want it to be, it is a huge emotional connection, which, when broken, leads to the worst heartbreak imaginable. Especially to people like us. Everybody's broken. So stay with us. You're so important.
  7. Multiple Man

    Multiple Man Well-Known Member

    Is it bad social skill or severe social anxiety? I suffer from the latter and yes loneliness is a killer.
  8. toddthemetalgod

    toddthemetalgod SF Supporter

    I usually get along fine with a small group of friends that I know well and who know me well. Making new friends or talking to people I'm only slightly acquainted with seems to be my problem. It doesn't help that a lot of people who's personalities I like tend to not like my personality. There are exceptions of course, but at the current point in my life it seems that I no longer have any close friends or a friend who I feel I get along with very well. I have a couple of friends, but they're not my favourite people and I only hangout once in a while.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 4, 2015
  9. Guestor

    Guestor Member

    If you are going to collegue you should consider at least giving that year a chance. That should be plenty of time to know new people and considering you will get to see them every day an excuse to see them will not be necessary.
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