Loneliness is overwhelming

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Stephy, Jun 16, 2016.

  1. Stephy

    Stephy New Member

    Good day to you, I am a 21 year old university student. Since my teenage years and currently in my adult life, I have been depressed. This depression was mostly brought on by the lack intimacy and love. I have never been in a serious relationship from I unfortunately came on this earth. I had been bullied as a child and I feel it reflects in my interpersonal skills. I've overcame shyness in last couple of years but I find it hard to speak to people, outside of my friends. The feeling of loneliness has grown colossal in me. I only have two women in my life that love me, well had...my grandma died on January 19, it hurts me everyday. She loved me... now she is gone, leaving me with only my mom... my mom had cancer, she went into remission over 7 years, she's a survivor but since the death of my grandma I'm fearing if... you know... I'll be left alone... and I will surely kill myself. No girl love me, no one to comfort me... my friends have perfect lives... I don't want to envy them but it seems I do... I have a momentous list of reasons why I want to kill myself. I'm not sure if I am ugly or not, maybe I am that's why I can't find love. My heart hurts... sighhh I wanna die.
     
  2. Thauoy

    Thauoy Well-Known Member

    In the profile page your age is shown as 31. While you are telling you are 21 year old. Anyway welcome to the forum.
     
  3. KayleighBella

    KayleighBella Member

    I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way. I myself feel pretty lonely at times. Try to focus on other elements of your life to take your mind off it. You mention that you have friends, focus on them and being the best friend to them you can be. Relationships appear when you least expect them to. I hope you find happiness soon.
     
  4. sa-chan

    sa-chan Active Member

    Hi Stephy

    I'm sorry for your loss. Losing people close to you is one of the ugly aspects of life (sadly) pretty much everyone has to deal with at some point. Of course this won't make the pain smaller for you but know that you are not alone with these feelings at all. We don't all grieve the same way but it's important to not let grieving destroy you nevertheless (even if depression is also working hard to achieve this).

    There is some black and white thinking in your post (please don't take this as me blaming you and neither do blame yourself for any of it, but maybe you :
    • "My friends have perfect lives."
      Are you really sure their lives are perfect? I mean maybe you didn't mean the literal meaning of "perfect" but even then there is so much that could be wrong in someone's life without you knowing. Even the most happy person on the outside could be hiding some deep darkness you don't know anything about. If you compare yourself to others and say their lives are perfect and then look at yours you are always going to feel at least a bit bad about certain aspects. It's not that envying them is bad but by comparing your life to theirs you might be creating some of the pain by yourself.
    • "No girl loves me, no one to comfort me."
      That's a painful feeling. But you really never know if it is going to stay like this forever, there are many nice people out there, so maybe you will eventually get to know someone. (But yeah I'm not an expert on this area - currently lacking a boyfriend myself ._.)
      However there is someone that can comfort you right now and that is you (I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way). Be kind to yourself, you know yourself better than anyone else and might be able to help yourself to some degree or at least remind yourself that the sky might not be as gray as you think it is. You mentioned friends, if it makes you feel better hang out with them every now and then?
      Also most likely you aren't ugly. It really depends on the way you look at it if someone is attractive or not. If you really had some big appearance issue you would likely know this already for a long time. Seriously there are just so many reasons one might be without a romantic partner.
    I'm not sure if this was helpful at all. But please don't give in to the feeling of wanting to die.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Stephy, I am truly very sorry for your loss. Grievance is always hard but together we can get you through this very difficult time. Instead of making a list of reasons to die, make a list of reasons to live. Here on SF we will support you as much as possible and will not judge you. At 21, you have loads of time to find a girlfriend, are there any girls you like in your group of social friends? I really hope you get through this and know that you are never alone here. ((hugs)) to you. Loneliness is a terrible feeling that I myself suffer from. Best of luck to you.