Loneliness: Romantically

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Heartwarmer, Feb 18, 2015.

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  1. Heartwarmer

    Heartwarmer Well-Known Member

    I'm a 20 year old guy and in college. Never had a girlfriend except for 3 weeks of last summer--which don't count because she was desperate for a guy and never actually spoke to me in depth and I had to break up with her because we weren't talking. I keep seeing happy couple after happy couple be, well, happy around me. Almost every single one of my friends is dating someone. Every single woman I have ever asked out (the woman I spoke about asked me out) has rejected me because they don't find me physically attractive. Some love my personality, as I can tell from their enjoyment in talking to me, but I have never gone out out on a real date with a truly interested partner. I have not cuddled with someone since that time last summer--in a "relationship" that seems so toxic in hindsight. Never held someone's hand since then. I feel like the universe played a sick joke on me--tempting me with the promises of happiness that a relationship could provide but not delivering--cutting it short and forcing me to endure the hugs and kisses and embraces that everyone around me (except me) experiences.

    Valentine's Day is always terrible, and this one was better due to the cold keeping most couples indoors, but I still suffered in other ways from it. I went to speed dating that some groups in my college organized. Got 5 numbers--one from each of five different women. They all seemed so excited to talk to me then--except it must have just been the energy of the event because I have talked to 3 of the women whose number's I got and each told me that they don't want to spend any more time with me. Now I'm stuck in the Midwest with weather in the single digits with no chance for exercise outside--my usual escape from emotional pain--and nothing to distract me from all of my friends experiencing love from their romantic others. Heck, even on the track team there are two guys--gay--dating each other. One of the two was told his whole life that being gay is a sin (with which I disagree--if God didn't like gays, he would not have made them that way) but came out as gay in my college. I was happy for him for his bravery--then reminded about how ****ing lonely I am now that even more of my friends are in relationships.

    I feel like I'm going to be romantically alone forever; like I will never kiss another woman; like I will never enjoy that tender touch again (with a person who actually cares about me); like I will always sleep alone in my own bed forever. I hate holding myself every night--or my sleeping back in my dorm room if I'm desperate to hold something. I'm not sex-crazed--I can go without sex indefinitely. It's just the romantic loneliness that gets to me. To quote the Muppet's theme song "Life's a happy song, when there's someone by my side to sing along."

    "When you're alone, life can be a little rough
    It makes you feel like you're 3 foot tall
    When it's just you well, times can be tough
    When there's no one there to catch your fall"

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    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2015
  2. deb22

    deb22 Well-Known Member

    Hi Heartwarmer, I am a woman so I do not know how a young 20 year old guy feels. What I do know is that many girls of your age want the good looking bad boy until they get married and have a family and then they know they should have went for the sensitive caring guy but it is too late for them. I hope you hang in there and keep trying because there are some girls that would prefer the qualities that you have, the ratio is just not in your favour but if you continue to reach out I am sure you will hit the one that is worth the wait.

    I am battling loneliness myself right now as my partner passed away and it is why I too am on this forum. It is a deep pain and I hope you can find a way to deal with it and keep hanging in there. I do not want to give you the " your only 20" line because I know how deep and cutting the feelings of loneliness are at any age.
    It is good you exercise to help with the pain and maybe if the feelings get to intense you may need additional help.
    I wish you luck and I honestly do not think it will be forever, your post was written by someone who is caring and that is a quality that will not go unnoticed for too long as long as you keep in the game and give the girls the opportunity to see that in you.

    Take care and I hope someone with a more male perspective can help out a bit.
  3. qteallex

    qteallex Active Member

    hey man, 19 year old male here -
    never had a girlfriend either, just had a couple of boyfriends who wanted to show off their gayness not actually be romantic,
    it's totally understandable to feel like you're missing out on something and when everyone flaunts it at you on valentines day it can b extra tough to deal with being, for lack of a better word; deprived
    from what I've heard girls talking about, at our age a lot of them are only looking for a good lay not a fella to hold hands with but there definitely are girls out there you just may have to lower your standards a little further than you're comfortable at first. otherwise my only advice is to try and get into a friendzone with some girls and take what you can get, I'm generally treated as the "gay friend" despite being more interested in women and my female friends happily include me in things and we'll say we love each other and hug and lean against each other etc because we're close friends. it's something even if it isn't the whole deal.

    also if you can't go out and exercise I would recommend a furious wank followed by a quick nap, it's kinda sorta exercise

    anyways good luck, stay safe and sorry to hear about the weather -
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