I always feel lonely no matter what, when I'm working, when I’m in school, when I’m around people….especially when I’m around people. I feel more lonely being around people than I do actually being by myself. I am not only lonely, but I am angry, depressed, bitter, and resentful. I feel emotions with such a passion. Whatever the emotion is I feel it to an extreme, love, hate, compassion, jealousy. But mostly I feel negative feelings. I’ve been feeling lonely for many years now. It is so painful. In the past the loneliness was brutal. I thought about killing myself just because of the loneliness. I was practically desperate to have a friend or just to talk to someone, I remember thinking I was the loneliest person in the world. My loneliness is a bit different because it comes from the many intense emotions I have, and with my feelings I feel isolated, like no one understands or feels like I do. I can’t say I'm isolated right now because I'm not. Right now I have a few “friends” but I question if it’s superficial. The loneliness eats me, makes me feel like I’m gonna go mad. Nobody seems to want to talk to me, not even on msn. People just don’t like me, they really don’t. All I ever do is offer my kindness to people and open myself up and ask them a lot of questions about themselves. It gets to the point where I want to be alone because I always feel humiliated after constantly being rejected by people. There was a time not too long ago when I spoke to no one both in real life and online. I would read books late at night to cope with my loneliness, every night until the early morning. It seems like a while ago because a lot of things have drastically changed since then. At that time I wasn’t doing nothing with my life, was not working, not in school, all I did was read and spend the whole day on the computer. When the loneliness got really bad for me I would think about the guys who are in 23 hour lock down in prison. I think that if they can survive that and not go crazy or kill themselves than I can cope with this loneliness. It’s pretty sad that I have to compare myself to someone who’s in 23 hour lock down just to make myself feel a little better. When I talk to people or hang out with one of the few people that I talk to I think it is more of a “quick fix” type of thing. I feel good for the time being but then later I’m right back to feeling lonely and insecure. Obviously I can’t be around people 24/7, I can’t actually be around people for too long because then feelings start arising and I no longer feel comfortable or I just had enough social interaction for the day. I am so used to being alone that I need my alone time every day. Being around people all day exhausts me. I just don’t want to depend on people for my happiness. What I realized is that like I mentioned before, my loneliness is not only from being alone but from my feelings, my feelings from both the present and the past, my perception of things, maybe even my mentality, which basically means I will remain lonely for as long as I am the way I am, and I don’t know how to be anything else. This is me; this is how I am and always have been. Will medication change my personality and feelings? It’s not doing it so far. I fear I will live an incredibly lonely life, and I think sometimes suicide is the best option to avoid that, besides I don’t like this world much and don’t care much for living. The only thing I see beauty in is expression/art. I find beauty in things that I can relate to. Most things that I can relate to are dark, sadness, anger, hopelessness, tragedies. Can anyone else relate? If you feel loneliness, can you describe your loneliness?