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Lonely and a failure

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JGF, May 2, 2011.

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  1. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    A checklist:

    - I failed out of three colleges.
    - I'm not good at anything, least of all the things I want to be good at.
    - I've only had one date and relationship in my life, and it was four years ago.
    - I have no friends.
    - I have no job.
    - I'm sitting at home trying to make friends and get a job, but failing at both.

    I just don't want to live any more. I've been struggling with severe depression for 15 years, and it's only gotten worse over time. I'm a failure of a human being, and if I can't even love myself, why should I keep going?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi don't give up okay lots of people doing the same as you fighting to get a job stay afloat You are not a failure just life is difficult for many now. Please do not judge yourself so harshly You are not alone anymore okay you can pm me if you ever need to talk can get try to get into the trades to a apprenticeship there is always needs for trade people hugs to you
  3. chipper

    chipper Well-Known Member

    why should you keep on going?

    because failing beats the hell out of not trying. in trying, there is a possibility of making it. in stopping, there is no possibility of anything
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi JGF, welcome to the forum,you've come this far, please don;t give up now. You can always go back to college and meet new friends x
  5. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    3 weeks later and I'm feeling worse. I got a job at a Safeway market, but I'm doing terrible at it and have already been demoted to the lowest position (Trash) after 1 week. Having a job doesn't make me feel better at all. I just feel worse because I keep screwing up.

    I can't find any groups on Meetup.com with people my age, and girls ignore me when I send messages on dating sites. I'm trying to exercise and eat healthier, but for the foreseeable future I'm fat and ugly. Everybody around me in my family is successful and has dozens of friends. I can't get a single one.
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Congratulations on the job.

    Hey JFG - don't worry about Safeway, I know someone who worked there and its awkward at first but you will learn the job soon enough.

    I always take notes when working - not at work - when I get home, so I know the names of people, the various tasks, were things are and what they are called. This helps you settle in more and your less nervous once you know the job.

    Stick with the job for say six months - that way you might actually get to like the job and maybe you will be more confident. Managers will have made the mistakes you made if they started on the shop floor. Everyone makes mistakes, so don't fret over them.

    As for being on the trash - could be worse. In fact, starting at the bottom like that is the best thing. I'd volunteer for that job as are you not left on your own for a while?

    So stick with - give it 6 months and look or apply for other jobs in the meantime.

    I'm sure we will both get lucky soon brother.

    As for for how you look - forget about putting yourself down and comparing yourself to others. I've always found that women like confidence more than looks - and a good sense of humour. I've never landed a woman with my looks - or attracted any with my looks either.

    But given your most intimate moments of romance are generally in a dim light (night time is the right time for love and so on...) how you look does not matter.

    Losing weight, that just takes a bit of time and self discipline. You could join a 'weight watchers club' - many men go to them and you might meet a nice women there.

    Usually, love just surprises us - but it will come to use easier if we are out and about. Work might be boring but so is sitting at home watching afternoon TV, repeats of Oprah and other meaningless things.

    Work gets you used to people - takes away your shyness a little as over the months you will 'bond' with fellow workers I'm sure.

    Being in that environment will 'harden' you a little - get you used to the general banter of life and the little struggles and big ones that people around you will be having.

    Make no mistake, people in your job will either have had depression or known people with it or are caring for those who might not be able to care for themselves.

    For you - to be feeling so down yourself, but to be holding out in this job, is a great thing and it will open up a few doors for you.

    For now, just settle into the job - write down stuff like I told you - names, things you need to know and so on. You WILL settle into the job - and although it is boring - it allows your mind to do its own thing. Try to talk with your fellow workers a little and you might have things in common and make a few friends.

    Don't worry about things so much - but if you really are struggling with this and it affects work - then you can get help in the UK as we don't have to worry about health insurance.

    Try and find some activity outside of work that interests you - socialising more is more likely to bring you some romance and love than a dating website or anything online.

    Have some faith in yourself - I know its not easy, but start off by not even discussing your looks - period. They are what they are and ruminating over them is always self defeating. You can change your ways in other departments - like you say, weight loss is your main thing there - but wearing decent freshly laundered clothes, having a close shave or trimming the beard, washing your hair squeaky clean (maybe you can style it to suit your face) and being 100% clean all over - is a BIG bonus.

    when I say 'decent' clothes, I'm not talking labels or costly show off clothes. Basic trousers, a nice shirt, shoes - that is hardly expensive stuff.

    Finally, be polite and kind and considerate.

    Good luck brother - hope things happen for you soon - but bear in mind a good woman is always worth the wait.
  7. Valkyrie Hatter Unmasked

    Valkyrie Hatter Unmasked Active Member

    I feel what your feeling though I've never had the pleasure of even getting into a college or landing a job. My mum tells me it's vulture's luck. When you need something really badly you never seem to get it.
  8. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    I've been suicidal for 5 days in a row now. My dad got me to out with him to a museum and a restaurant for fun today, and I felt better, but the moment I got home I sunk back into depression, and he thinks at this point I should be committed - but I don't want to because I'll lose my job and have nothing left. What should I do?
  9. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    A couple months later and I've had to quit my job because I couldn't keep it together. So now I have no job, no money, so friends, and no talents. I have nothing and think that now would be a perfect time to end it all. What should I do instead?
  10. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    I have a job, and am a middle school, high school, AND college dropout, but I know what you mean. I probably have the same thing as you, but I never knew it was called vulture's luck.
  11. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I can relate to a lot of what you are feeling.
    I know it's hard- but I hope you can find a reason to keep on going.
    Try to just take everything day by day- a little less overwhelming that way.
    I know you feel like a burden but you definitely aren't. :hug:
    You are valuable and loved.
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