Lonely and Sober...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by DarkLordVader, Jun 1, 2013.

  1. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    so after all we are all getting sober because something in our life happened dramatically that we made the life changing choice. now that we are early in sobriety what do we do? well some of us will seek out treatment via either inpatient or outpatient facilities. some of us might even seek out mental health treatment as well, to help "even" us out so we can feel that monkey off of our backs. early in sobriety i have been told since i was 19 years old that we should concentrate on ourselves because we might fall back into our old behaviors. i for one choose today to live clean and sober, this is something that i want and want badly. i know my sobriety comes first and foremost and that shouldn't be taken for granted. i also know early on in sobriety i don't need many distractions that could lead me down that old path once again. with all of this knowledge, what is there for us who are single and lonely? sure we have the comradery with others in sobriety, but that is maybe a meeting a hour a day a few times a week. things keep us busy from time to time but then there is the moment of silence where we think to ourselves, what now? i have been alone and single ever since my kids mother died and of course i was living like a drunken, drugged up fool who hated life. so of course there wouldn't be any attraction to that. now that i am clean and making major changes in my life i feel that being alone could be cause for alarm. not that i need a relationship, because i feel that is the very last thing i need. i am alone and crave for someone to hold and cuddle with, don't we all want that? i know for myself i crave that daily and always think what is wrong with me as a older man that makes me so unattractive to women. of course my reputation is very very poor because of all the bridges that i have burned due to my use. i do have goals in my life and i want them to come true one day. i am focused on them, and i will do what ever i need to do in order to achieve them. when i do meet a goal, i feel good about myself, but that is just it. i am by myself, nobody to come home too and share all my good news with. how many times can i share this stuff with myself? i hope this doesn't come off as me whining about being alone because that is not my meaning. i am sure there are dozens and dozens of single people in recovery and they might be happy, then again, they might not be, whose to say? i cant and wont speak for anyone else but myself. so i say that being sober today feels great, losing weight feels great, getting my mind back in control, feels great. i just feel as if there is a void there and i think about that a lot. maybe i need to find other things to keep my mind off of it, but it will always be there. there will always be that crave to be loved and to love another. so this is my life right now, Lonely and Sober....
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Good work hun getting sober and staying there Your fight your battle does bring loneliness but in time perhaps it will also bring more friendships loyal ones to you not the bottle
    Try new things meet new people take a class of interest hun but good on you hun for all the hard work you have done
  3. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    i am trying, sometimes when i go to other places and try to talk with people i am ignored because they all know one another and i am new. i feel left out and i dont understand that at all
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    From what you've said. It's early stages, so you may need ti just keep trying these different things.

    Well done on the sobriety.
  5. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    im doing what i need to do, but i have had some serious stumbling blocks as of late, i hurt my back again working out and it depresses me to no end. why cant i just live a normal life like most people with no issues.....god i hate feeling like this
  6. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    You've done so incredibly well Carbie. Sorry about the stumbling blocks. I think everyone on this site wishes we could just live a normal life with no issues. I certainly do. Getting used to feeling at ease with new people and fitting in is a skill many of us lack. Feeling the outsider is common to many. Again ditto from me on that one. If we didn't grow up feeling comfortable with people, if we weren't esteemed and loved our social skills tend to be crap. Learning how to from scratch is bloody hard. Trusting harder still. You have friends here Carbie until you start collecting them irl.
  7. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    thank you very much, it does mean alot to me knowing there are a few people out there who care :)
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I think being sober requires to openness to living a new life...when I put down my constant drugging, and saw people and mostly myself, I felt like I had to relearn so much...props to all you are doing for yourself and give it time...especially one step at a time and please do not forget to be kind to yourself...we are here for you
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I look up to you because you are getting clean and sober, and that seems to be something I'm incapable of, at least right now. I know it can suck to be really lonely, but a lot of people here are rooting for you, and will be here for you whenever you need us.
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I am early in recovery and can identify with feeling lonely. I am going through something that my old friends don't understand. I am hoping that the longer I go to meetings, the more of an opportunity I'll have to make healthy friends there. Not a romantic relationship because I also feel that is the last thing I need right now, but just some healthy, sober friends.

    I'm around if you ever want to chat.
  11. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    thanks everyone for their warm comments, i really do appreciate them. i will come here when i feel the need to vent or sometimes just to see whats up. your a very special bunch of people who really do care and that i am most thankful for. :)