First off, I am so incredibly lonely.. I don't feel loved at all, and I'm completely starved for like-minded friends. When I interact with anyone, family, friends, strangers, I feel like I can't be myself. I don't know that I have ever felt uninhibited (sober) around anyone in real life. I've had uninhibited online friendships, but those are very unfulfilling and never last. My biggest problem is that I don't feel like I fit in.. I'm not really very attracted to guys OR girls, and never have been. I'm attracted to individuals, on an individual basis, though it tends mostly to be guys. In any case, it's very rare that I feel attracted to anyone, to the point that I haven't felt like I was in a situation to pursue anyone of interest in years. I'm 19 now, soon to be 20, and I've never been in a relationship or even kissed anyone (sober), much less had any kind of sex. I feel desperate, but can't bring myself to settle for anyone around me, even the ones who express interest (which happens fairly frequently, and has since 8th grade). Here's another thing.. I'm not unattractive.. I actually get the impression that I'm very attractive, and I'm extremely nice and likable. I think I'm pretty intelligent and I'm a lover. I volunteer with kids and practically get pummeled with hugs every time I show up. Anyway, I'm just saying I think there a lot of positive qualities about me.. But I'm still so depressed.. Around my peers I feel very shy and completely intimidated out of being myself. I act like one of the guys to fit in, even though I'm completely different on the inside. This is getting way too long.. I don't even know why I'm here right now.. I feel stupid and embarrassed just for writing what I have..