Lonely/sexual orientation

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Gotanonymous, May 24, 2009.

  1. Gotanonymous

    Gotanonymous New Member

    First off, I am so incredibly lonely.. I don't feel loved at all, and I'm completely starved for like-minded friends. When I interact with anyone, family, friends, strangers, I feel like I can't be myself. I don't know that I have ever felt uninhibited (sober) around anyone in real life. I've had uninhibited online friendships, but those are very unfulfilling and never last.

    My biggest problem is that I don't feel like I fit in.. I'm not really very attracted to guys OR girls, and never have been. I'm attracted to individuals, on an individual basis, though it tends mostly to be guys. In any case, it's very rare that I feel attracted to anyone, to the point that I haven't felt like I was in a situation to pursue anyone of interest in years. I'm 19 now, soon to be 20, and I've never been in a relationship or even kissed anyone (sober), much less had any kind of sex. I feel desperate, but can't bring myself to settle for anyone around me, even the ones who express interest (which happens fairly frequently, and has since 8th grade).

    Here's another thing.. I'm not unattractive.. I actually get the impression that I'm very attractive, and I'm extremely nice and likable. I think I'm pretty intelligent and I'm a lover. I volunteer with kids and practically get pummeled with hugs every time I show up. Anyway, I'm just saying I think there a lot of positive qualities about me.. But I'm still so depressed..

    Around my peers I feel very shy and completely intimidated out of being myself. I act like one of the guys to fit in, even though I'm completely different on the inside.

    This is getting way too long.. I don't even know why I'm here right now.. I feel stupid and embarrassed just for writing what I have..
  2. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    dont feel stupid :hug: you'll find a lot of people here get lonely too, and we are here to help stop that, you'll also find others in the same situation as yourself, or very similar, dont give up! if you need anyone to talk to there are always people around, and my pm box is open, welcome to sf. :hug:
  3. bulet-theory

    bulet-theory Member

    dont feel stupid.....when i feel like this i have sex with random guys t try and make me less lonely.....the next day it makes me feel worse. im disgusting.
  4. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    Hey there my friend. You seem to be in a realtively common predicament, so don't feel too alone out there, because you're not.

    I know it seems too basic a question but, to start us off, have you ever attempted to seek help or therapy of any kind concerning this? Perhaps it's a psychological condition?
  5. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    Sorry you're feeling so low! Many of us have similar feelings of not fitting in, etc, but no matter what, we are here for each other!

    If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM, email or MSN me anytime!! :hug:
  6. Gotanonymous

    Gotanonymous New Member

    I appreciate the responses from you guys.. I wonder who everyone is, though. Are you people who found your way here seeking support? Or do you exist here to support others? It does make a difference, and I know (probably) most fall under both categories.

    Psychology is and has been one of my primary focuses in life for the past few years, and I feel like I've learned a lot. I've done enough research to have my own opinion about different approaches and I've come to completely disagree with the "physiological cause" (mental "illness") approach. I recognize that I am a product of conditioning and that there are unresolved issues in my life that contribute to my situation. My behaviors are a normal response to that situation, so even labeling depression (or many other socially abnormal behaviors) as a mental illness is counterproductive.

    I'm not really sure how you guys can help me.. But I'm glad to have found you. And even the handful of responses I did get help me to feel like I do have somewhere to go when I need someone.. So thanks.. :-o
  7. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend


    I only skimmed your post so please forgive me if I have missed anything obvious.

    It reads like the story of my life, only I'm some 20 years in front of you, things got so bad, I had to do something that I really never ever thought I would do, go to the doctors and ask for help, your'e not going mad or have a "mental illness" as such, not in the way you picture someone like that in your mind, I'm not like that, ok sometimes I use the "mental illness" thing as a joke with my family, but I'm not like that, not really, honestly, your post reads like a carbon copy, I have read the books, edged around counsiling, done the coming out thing to friends and family, none of made much difference.

    The pills form the doctors, they help, they help a lot (Citalopram 40mg), I'm more like the "real" me than I have been for a long time, but that's not the answer, not in the long term, we all have issues, everyone of us, the only difference is in the way we deal with them, the actions and lessons from the past that shape who we are on the inside and the person we show to the outside world, for me at least that is where the problem began, many many years ago, having been told as a child to always do the "right thing", even if it wasn't the "right thing" for me or was actualy the "wrong thing" for me and everyone else in my life come to that matter, that left me as an adult with a conflicting set of rules, if you like, between who I am on the inside and between what I thought was the "right thing" for other people to see from the outside.

    Sorry if this is confusing, but trust me, there is nothing really "wrong" with you, try not to be so hard on yourself, let others see the side of you the kids see, you don't have to prove anything to anyone else, or worry to much about what your peers think, it's what you think and feel on the inside that counts, that's what the kids pick up on, well it is with me anyway

    I have very little in common with my friends and family that are around my age, but you know what, it doesn't really bother me any more, I'm me, not that person they think or might want me to be, that means I'm a fairly conflicted person, but at least now I see it for what it is, it's my choice to do what is right for me, after all, if you feel anything like I felt, I think you have earned that right already, don't you ?

    Take a chance, dare to let a little of that inner you out to play, reach out to the odd ones that catch your eye, it might not work out but at least you will have tried, sometimes times you will get hurt but somestimes, just sometimes, it will be worth the risk
  8. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    All I would say is just keep an open mind about everyone you meet. Don't make blind assumptions about them. They might have more to offer as a friend or romantic partner than you ever would have guessed at first blush.
  9. imjames407

    imjames407 New Member

    Don"t feel stupid or lonely or stuff like that.For every person there is an opposite sex person made by God for him/her.You will surely find that one and i hope you will enjoy your life.I hope you meet with that one very soon.
  10. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    I am sorry, but I think you are confused here... either that or I am offended! For every person there is a "PERSON" made by 'God or whoever' for him/her... it does NOT have to be a person of the OPPOSITE SEX! I am GAY and my ONE and ONLY will be the SAME SEX! For the OP, there is a CHANCE he MAY or MAY NOT be gay... and NO MATTER what, there is NOTHING wrong with him... do NOT try to tell him he MUST be straight, because that is BULL! That is certainly INSULTING to every gay/lesbian/bi member on the site!
  11. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    I too feel out of place allot with people. I feel like I am made to be alone.