I'm 21, I have a job, a boyfriend and what looks like a good life on the outside but I feel so unwanted. I have friends kind of, but I feel like they avoid me if they can but I don't know why, I don't know what I do wrong, to make people not want to be around me. I am depressed but I never show it to anyone, I always try to be there for anyone that I do have but I still feel invisible and an annoyance if anything. I've been with my boyfriend for four years. He hasn't got a job so I pay for him to eat and to go wherever we go, I don't complain about it. But it seems like he's only nice to me when he wants something, and he always cries on my shoulder about his problems but I can't ever talk about mine, he just doesn't seem interested in me and he treats me so bad sometimes. I think he's damaging my self esteem a lot, he's really emotionally abusive. Even though he's not a lot, he's really the only person that I have, sometimes he is nice to me. I just can't figure out what's wrong with me and why I turn everybody off so much. The only time I feel noticed is when guys hit on me or look at me, I am pretty, and don't think I think that means much because believe me I know it doesn't but I feel like that's the only thing I'm good for, to be looked at or hit on. Then after that everyone gets bored of me or something. I just need to figure out what's going wrong with me. I go crazy when i get home from work and on the weekends, I still live with my parents and I just sit in my bedroom going crazy with loneliness, I wish i had a good friend or someone that i could talk to and forget about everything that's wrong with me. I know my boyfriend is no good for me, there's a lot more to it but that isn't what this post is about but I can't leave him because I have no one else and I can't spend even more time alone.