Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kelkel101, May 29, 2015.

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  1. kelkel101

    kelkel101 New Member

    I'm 21, I have a job, a boyfriend and what looks like a good life on the outside but I feel so unwanted. I have friends kind of, but I feel like they avoid me if they can but I don't know why, I don't know what I do wrong, to make people not want to be around me. I am depressed but I never show it to anyone, I always try to be there for anyone that I do have but I still feel invisible and an annoyance if anything. I've been with my boyfriend for four years. He hasn't got a job so I pay for him to eat and to go wherever we go, I don't complain about it. But it seems like he's only nice to me when he wants something, and he always cries on my shoulder about his problems but I can't ever talk about mine, he just doesn't seem interested in me and he treats me so bad sometimes. I think he's damaging my self esteem a lot, he's really emotionally abusive. Even though he's not a lot, he's really the only person that I have, sometimes he is nice to me. I just can't figure out what's wrong with me and why I turn everybody off so much. The only time I feel noticed is when guys hit on me or look at me, I am pretty, and don't think I think that means much because believe me I know it doesn't but I feel like that's the only thing I'm good for, to be looked at or hit on. Then after that everyone gets bored of me or something. I just need to figure out what's going wrong with me. I go crazy when i get home from work and on the weekends, I still live with my parents and I just sit in my bedroom going crazy with loneliness, I wish i had a good friend or someone that i could talk to and forget about everything that's wrong with me. I know my boyfriend is no good for me, there's a lot more to it but that isn't what this post is about but I can't leave him because I have no one else and I can't spend even more time alone.
  2. JustT

    JustT New Member

    My god this story sounds like my me ( in my early years :) I can totally relate about not having real friends that I can call up to hang with either ....although I've figured out why that is ...I have ADD and tend to get I'm people's space and say all the wrong things at the wrong times....I too have lots of men hitting on me a they want me sexually but women just get jealous so I have learned to befriend the women first and once they see I'm at the bar for me and not their men it helps ....but to this day none of those accaintences call me up for coffee :-(
    My advice is stop worrying about what others think their prob just jealous and take care of you! maybe see your doc about the depression.? There's lots of really helpful medications And of course come here and talk away ....I could use a friend:)
  3. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    I wish I could give some good advice on how to figure out if you're doing anything to put people off. All I can think of is to ask people to be brutally honest on why they avoid you. Might work best with someone who knows you well enough to want to help you improve.

    Alternatively, try seeking out a therapist, they might be able to help. At the very least you'll get an honest opinion on what your behaviour is like to other people, and you might get advice on what to change about your interactions with people as an experiment, to help figure out what's wrong.

    Also, do try to make some good friends online, here and/or elsewhere. Ideally, you'll be able to get away from your boyfriend without getting crushed by loneliness. And it seems like you really do need to get away from him.
  4. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    Hey, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Don't immediately assume that there's something wrong with yourself just because people seem to avoid you and the sort; It's the majority of people that are the ones that have something seriously wrong with them I find. Nicer people are in the minority, and I often see nice people with nothing wrong with them being shunned by others. There are people out there who will accept you though, if you just be yourself and keep looking. As Leolsrik said, it may be a good idea to make some friends online if you're up for it. I hardly have any friends in real life, most of my friends are people I've known online for years now.

    Try to be honest with your boyfriend, tell him what you're going through and point out his bad behaviour in a constructive way. If he does not realize he's hurting you, he will continue to do it. Even if he would be willing to change it, if he doesn't know what he's doing wrong, he'll probably continue to do it. Communication is important, never forget that. If you do all that and he still continues to treat you badly, cut him out of your life.
  5. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are 21 and have been with your bf for 4 years. You were a kid when started dating bf and now are a young adult, but it sounds like your bf is still a kid. If you are questioning if he is completely devoted or good for you at all , then you should not be still paying his way and being everything to him. Take care of yourself and and move on. The only time you feel appreciated is when people look- since you have a long term boyfriend that is the only way they have to show appreciation and all they can do. Lose the bf that is emotionally abusive and find a nice man that is interested in getting to know you, can pay his own way at least, and does not make you feel worse.

    Ask yourself "what is better in my life because I am with him?" If the answer is not "almost everything" then you need to really question the relationship at your age. In your case you could answer what is worse about my life because of him and have a very long list- of course that makes you feel like no real value, and it is very wrong. AS soon as you don;t have a boyfriend you can find somebody else. That is far preferable and better on your feelings of self worth than finding somebody else before you leave him. What you have is baggage, not a boyfriend. The only reason it is hard to leave is because you are "used to him" and he is your only connection to your teen years and becoming an adult- but you have continued to mature and grow- he did not- not your fault but you deserve an adult not an overgrown child. You are in fact better alone than with somebody that makes you feel bad. 21 female and have guys hitting on you? You will only be alone as long as you choose to be- but i recommend you makes sure that who you spend time with makes you feel better about yourself and makes your life better as criteria to see more than a couple of dates.
  6. kelkel101

    kelkel101 New Member

    Thanks so much everybody, I've never told anybody this before and it's really helpful reading your thoughts. I really appreciate the advice. You're absolutely right about my boyfriend, he's not a bad person and he's not bad to me all the time, I love him but I do need to break up with him. I think that's the first step to improving my situation.
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