Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by OCDNihilism, Jul 15, 2016.

  1. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    I am a lonely person, I would dare to say, the real type of lonely one..
    I don't even know if I really am aquainted with friendship, as I, while have at least a friend, I don't know if I can call it a friendship.
    I don't have a girl. I lost the sense of romantic wonder that emanated from comtemplating a beautiful girl. I often think with a little pity about that one girl that might be staring at me, maybe with what are perfectly decent feelings and intentions, but I can only think that she is wrong for considering to get to know me, because I am always the wrong person. I might give her a look, a sign that I notice her noticing me with the hope that she ends up decyphering in my manners, that she can't aproach me, but not because of what she might be, but about who I am.

    I am a lonely person that only mourns being one when I have people around me, because I am never someone that will actively seek to know anyone anymore. I don't care about humanity too and any of it's suffering, not even my fellow brothers and sisters that share this safe place. I would like to care about you all, but I don't even care with real emotions about my situation. I am a titan of anxietys, fears and dead dreams. I am no person for anyone.

    Who could break this curse? Is that why I am here writing about this? Do I want to be Human again? I think I do... Not a perfect one, but somethig with real substance..
  2. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    How often do you interact with friends, family, other people? What do you talk about? Does it interest you, or are you ready to get away the moment the conversation begins?
    If you consider them a friend, then they probably are that. Maybe it is a soul mate you are looking for. Or just a closer friend? I've had good friends in the past and I've had ones where I'm not really sure what to call them because they were not incredibly close or there for me, but I suppose they were still friends.

    Why don't you want to know people anymore than what you see? Is it fear, lack of confidence, anxiety? Is it boredom? Is it that you don't care? Have you given up bothering with people? When people engage you, what happens? Same thing? Do you care for them to know you more?
    You wish to care about people, does it bother you that you cannot? Personally I don't care for very much in this world, as I see little point to it. I am however interested in reducing the pain and suffering that others go through. Not because I care so much about people (I find it difficult to feel concern and attachment), but more because I know what it is like to feel hurt, and when you hurt, well, it hurts. If my actions can help to reduce the hurt others feel, then great. If not, then what else can I do right? If that sounds like something that you feel, which it may not in which case ignore the following, you may want to consider volunteering for a charity or something like that. If you would like to care, as you say, it might help you with that.

    What interests do you have? What do you like to read? What do you like to cook? Do you like video games, sport, music, tv, etc?
    OCDNihilism and Petal like this.
  3. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    Where can I start, bombarderd with so many questions that have already at least once pass through my mind and others that are indelible?

    My biggest problem is the dullness I experience in so many cirscumnstances of my life.

    I am not close to anyone I know. The only person who I've made some confessions, sometimes dismal confessions, were to my mother.. But her narcissism, lack of what I would call delicate sensitivity, doesn't allow her to ever help me or recomfortate me in any way, I actually get very irritated for her vain attempts of being kind to me, because she really isn't, but I feel at fault for that too.

    My father is a whole new situation. I am not sure about the nature of my own father, but I feel some kind of traits of him in me. Whenever he asks if everything is alright I just say yes, like, I could never be not alright... But he knows I am lying, he just don't know how to deal with what I know he knows are real deep and intricate problems I might have to face alone...

    About outsiders.. Sometimes when faced with the sympathy of other people towards me, I just wished that they didn't do so, because I rarely feel like I accept it and I am left with the task, a hidebond one, of answering in a manner I know reveals what is lacking inside of me, and I am not just flawed, not just imcomplete, but a debilitated person.

    I do feel uncomfortable in situations where emotions should guide me, not my fuzzy brain. Everything in me is quite like a very old piece of machinery, rusty and rude.

    I do read books fron time to time, I do like music to the point that I have three instruments where I have dedicated a part of my soul just to lose the interest, or maybe just the frustration of my dullness in everything, that affected my affection for music. Now I am dedicating myself to bodybuilding, a last remnant of what I can become, a methaphor for what I have had to become, a hard spirit with no substance. I am no diamond here...
  4. iam

    iam SF Supporter

    I'm maybe the wrong person to answer you right now given my positive excitable happy mood today. But I understand your loneliness. I can be surrounded by people who love and care for me yet I am sure they all hate me or just don't even see me. But I understand now that this is my problem not theirs. They just don't know what to say or do around me. If anyone comes near me I go rigid which people must notice and back off. The one thing I can't relate to is you say you don't care for anyone. I never stopped loving and caring for everyone I just couldn't/can't show it. In fact the opposite, everyone could be forgiven for thinking I don't like them. I don't know if deep down this is the way you are. Again I keep saying I don't know if this makes sense or even if it helps. I hope you get to feel what it's like to love and care for someone, the only feeling I can imagine better is to be able to show it. Here for you anyway. Hug
    OCDNihilism likes this.