This loneliness is killing me I can't take it too much longer. All I do is sit at the computer all night. I have no friends haven't had any for a year and a half I can't make any. Thanksgiving was the first good day I had in a long time. One of my cousin's friends came over. We ended up talking for hours. She asked me to give her a back massage we ended up cuddling. It made me so happy just to be close to someone. When I left she gave me a kiss. I didn't give her my number or ask for hers because I thought I won't have a chance in hell with her. Now I'm kicking myself in the ass for not giving her my number. I'm craving for the feeling I had when we were cuddling. I'm sick of sitting home I'm sick of having no one to talk to I'm sick of being depressed I'm sick of being lonely. I can only take so much. I've been depressed and suicidal since I was 10 I'm 18 now. Shrinks don't help meds make me worse. My agoraphobia is coming back I can't spend months without going outside not again.