Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by smackh2o, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Just realised how lonely I am. I've not been this lonely since 2006. Took me by surprise. I've got so much to give and I know i'm going to be discarded like a peice of shit for the rest of my life. What am I trying so hard for? I've really put some serious effort into getting better. I've just got a job behind a bar. I was a sociaphobe a year ago. I look back now and why am I doing it. The one person I still long to be near is no where near me. I'm so lonely and if I don't take my bastard mind off it, it hits me like this and shit I can't cope. I've not cut in so long. I've not had a sucidal thought in ages but today...
    This is what is wrong. No one like counsellors and parents and people get it. It's nothing to do with the happenings, its to do with not being able to see whats good in life. I just want to share my affection with someone I love and adore. I want to be there for them and hold them when they need it, but fuck I can't and when I think about it now it's killing me and I wish I was dead and I can't do it anymore but I nkwo I will and I don't know why.
    I'm so fragile right now I seem to be falling for any signs people are giving me as affection. I'm so fucking lonely, i've got no one to talk to because whenever anyone really gets deep with me they just find it too hard and I don'r blame them and damn me for moaning about my own problem. Now i'm feeling so self centered as well. Why am I here Pete?
  2. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    seems like you miss someone so so much.

    i dont know what to say, as i too miss a special someone so fucking much and feel like a walking corpse on this earth. i also get this weird odd pain in my body when i think of it. it's like your longing for that person but that person isn't there and you cant seem to fill up that open slot that burns with emptyness in your soul.

    it fucking sucks especially when nobody is around to help you back up but know that youre not alone and maybe one day you can find the cure to whatever the fuck this odd feeling of pain and suffering is.
  3. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Any chance you could see this person? If they live far away maybe you could save up money from your job and go to see them. :) It's a goal, everyone needs goals. Hope everything goes alright for you Pete and I know we don't talk much but if you wanna chat anytime you're more than welcome to contact me. Take care of yourself. :hug:
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    you are not a discarded piece of shit!!! you are a lovely human being, a sweet guy who hasn't found the right one yet. :hug:
  5. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    ick. I don't know your exact situation. Are you talking about a specific person here or is the problem that you just haven't got anyone to be with?
    If you're feeling really bad about not having a girlfriend, well I can only speak from my own experience but when I started liking myself, those feelings pretty much went, although I still want someone, it doesn't affect my life as a whole. Take care of yourself and hope things get better for ya.
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Me tall drink of water :hug:
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Aww water, I am sorry you are feeling so lonely. You are a terrific person and I think anyone would be proud to say they know you. Take care hun. :hug:
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

  9. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    im sorry. im real lonely too.maybe we can be friends?
    i wont mind talking to you:) andd i wouldnt give up cause things would "get to hard"
    i've realized alot of things in life do. so if you ever want to talk to someone,im here. i promise.

    much love<3
  10. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Ty for the replies. And thanks for the invitation beauuty :)
    I've got therapy tommorow. I'm gonna tell her that i've been getting worse again I think.