Just realised how lonely I am. I've not been this lonely since 2006. Took me by surprise. I've got so much to give and I know i'm going to be discarded like a peice of shit for the rest of my life. What am I trying so hard for? I've really put some serious effort into getting better. I've just got a job behind a bar. I was a sociaphobe a year ago. I look back now and why am I doing it. The one person I still long to be near is no where near me. I'm so lonely and if I don't take my bastard mind off it, it hits me like this and shit I can't cope. I've not cut in so long. I've not had a sucidal thought in ages but today... This is what is wrong. No one like counsellors and parents and people get it. It's nothing to do with the happenings, its to do with not being able to see whats good in life. I just want to share my affection with someone I love and adore. I want to be there for them and hold them when they need it, but fuck I can't and when I think about it now it's killing me and I wish I was dead and I can't do it anymore but I nkwo I will and I don't know why. I'm so fragile right now I seem to be falling for any signs people are giving me as affection. I'm so fucking lonely, i've got no one to talk to because whenever anyone really gets deep with me they just find it too hard and I don'r blame them and damn me for moaning about my own problem. Now i'm feeling so self centered as well. Why am I here Pete?