god, what a waste i have made of my life, things should be better than this but i have ended up alone and lonely facing unemployment, bankrupcy and maybe even homeless. i can't tell anyone about how i feel coz they just won't understand, my dads thinking will be like a bull in a china shop on speed, but the funny thing is i want to be left alone yet don't. i have one real friend but i can't let him down by admitting i have failed, i have another friend who i can't really open up to coz its new and she has her own issues and i don't want to let her down. sometimes i feel ok yet others i just want to crawl into bed and cry, its just too much. yet, like a good boy i carry on, when asked i say yes i am fine with my mask firmly fixed like a second, well worn skin. what a waste of life this is turning out to be.