I feel tired. I'm lonely. I feel like I try so, so hard, but few things come my way. I'm rejected often. I pray for strength but I only hear the most silent whispers of "be patient." I don't know how long I can be patient. It hurts to see others being affectionate. It hurts to see couples giving each other knowing glances. It hurts to hear stories about love, lust, and passion. It hurts to be outside. I want to keep on going. I want to keep on being persistent. To keep approaching. But sometimes it's so hard. It's so hard to be persistent. It's so hard to maintain that sense of "outgoing" behavior. I need sex and affection, but the more I need, the more the neediness repels. Sometimes I feel so God-damned ugly, and I wonder what's the point. I become angry, then frustrated, then depressed. I'm holding on as best as I can, but it's so hard to hold on.