For those of you who know me here, you know that I truly care for each and everyone of you. I have made a few especially wonderful and dear friends here. And I hope that you all understand that I come here only hoping to help and show others that they are loved. But lately I find it hard to come to SF to support others or to find support for myself. This past week, I became very lost and extremely suicidal. Things that I thought were so certain became so blurry and things that stay deep within came rushing to the surface and hurt so so badly. But C, K and D you were there and held on so tight, you kept pulling me back up when all I wanted to do was die. Well I dont want to disappoint you. I'm racked with guilt right now. See I see this as a huge failure on my part and such an enormous burden to you 3. Right now I dont know where to turn, my world is so upside down. You 3 know why and I just dont know what to do. I'm in a world of people that care but yet I'm so lost and alone. To all the people that count on me here, I'm sorry. To all the special people in my live I'm sorry too. But I need to find out if I'm me or just exist as some bipolar freak. I never asked for the bipolar or any of my other mental health issues. And all I can offer is that I do the best I can to hold it all back and to live with it all. But sometimes like now, that isnt good enough. Today I'm stable. Dont know what tomorrow will bring and I'm giving you all an out right now. Step away and leave me to my own resources before I hurt you too.