Long but had to be said

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by itmahanh, Jul 5, 2008.

  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    For those of you who know me here, you know that I truly care for each and everyone of you. I have made a few especially wonderful and dear friends here. And I hope that you all understand that I come here only hoping to help and show others that they are loved. But lately I find it hard to come to SF to support others or to find support for myself. This past week, I became very lost and extremely suicidal. Things that I thought were so certain became so blurry and things that stay deep within came rushing to the surface and hurt so so badly. But C, K and D you were there and held on so tight, you kept pulling me back up when all I wanted to do was die. Well I dont want to disappoint you. I'm racked with guilt right now. See I see this as a huge failure on my part and such an enormous burden to you 3. Right now I dont know where to turn, my world is so upside down. You 3 know why and I just dont know what to do. I'm in a world of people that care but yet I'm so lost and alone. To all the people that count on me here, I'm sorry. To all the special people in my live I'm sorry too. But I need to find out if I'm me or just exist as some bipolar freak. I never asked for the bipolar or any of my other mental health issues. And all I can offer is that I do the best I can to hold it all back and to live with it all. But sometimes like now, that isnt good enough. Today I'm stable. Dont know what tomorrow will bring and I'm giving you all an out right now. Step away and leave me to my own resources before I hurt you too.
  2. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    :hug: I'm here for you whenever you need a friend.
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Aww, Carla. :hug:

    I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling so. You don't deserve all this pain. Please try to hold on, Hun. Know that so many people care for you and those people will be here for you. I'm here whenever you need me or just want to talk. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Carla no one is going to walk away from you. You have made some good friends and friends don't walk away from each other when times get bad. We are here to support you through the good times and the bad times. None of us asked to have the issues we do, yet we deal with them on a daily basis. If we allow others to help hold us up, they become a little more bearable. You offer that support to members throughout the forum. Let them return to you the care you freely give to them. :hug:
  5. Kelsey

    Kelsey Well-Known Member

    I could never fathom walking away from such a marvelous person. Day, night, or anything in between you know right where to find me, just as anyone else does. Push all you need to, just know Im going to push just as hard right back.
  6. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    no chance:smile: we are friends and ill always be here to support you especially when times get tough, you have an inner strength and im proud you managed to stay

  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support


    We're friends. You're too important to just turn my back on. (If there was "an out", I've long since sealed it off. Oooops, I guess that means you don't get an out either (sorry, hun!). LOL! )

    We've shared ups and downs, and lots of laughs, too. My world needs you because you have a true depth of feeling, care and insight and you offer those things so generously to others. (Please keep some for yourself, too, though!)

    I don't want no stinking out! You're stuck with me as your friend. So there!