Long Dismal Road.

Oof. From here it looks like things are gonna pretty much suck for a long time, in spite of my best efforts to rescue them. It's been a sucky world for a while now, actually, but I've been fighting it with a passion. Now it seems like a losing battle and I'm starting to give up. Just go with the flow, what the fuck's the point? It's like hitting your head against a wall - I'm damned sure you'll fall down before the wall does.

I promised myself I'd never give up, you know. I seem to have broken quite a lot of the promises I made to myself. It's not surprising, really, I've had a theory that "never" and its partner "forever" can't actually be attained for some time. I also think promises are a bad idea. In general, they're difficult to keep. One finds oneself breaking them in the end, even if one had the best intentions.

I'm tired of the whole shambles. Bah.

Can you beat a system that works against you?

Keep on smilin'

Caz xxx

 

Hello there. So sorry you are feeling like this. Dont feel bad about breaking promises that you made to yourself, I have done that before as Im sure many others have as well. You talk about tring to fight the system, well I am not sure about your situation so I might not be any help at all, but how aout you start fresh in a different direction? Break your usual routine and go out there and try something different? You never know what might happen and the happiness you crave for could be in a different place. Hope that made sense and helped you a bit. If you need someone to talk to, you can PM me or e-mail me if you would like to.

Take care :grouphug:
Snugglepuss XxX

 

Cheers for the advice and for trying to help, Snugglepuss. I'll try to make some changes, but there are a couple of things that I know I need to do. Unfortunately, these things are being denied me. Because a lot of people are deceitful, unfeeling, two-faced simpletons. They have no capacity to listen and act, or to hold up thier end of a deal.

That's mainly what I mean by the system. Most of the people I've turned to for help have screwed me over one way or another. They lied to my face and then when their real motives came out, they kept on lying. But of course, that's not the case. They're right, because I'm crazy, aren't I? Completely out of my fucking tree. I can't possibly know what would make me happy or make me better.

Bastards, the lot of them. I hate this crap.

I guess I'm just as bad. It takes two to tango and god knows I've lied to myself. Just keep on kidding myself. They tell me you can't kid a kidder, and that's what I'm half afraid of. That's why I'm feeling the sort of empty low right now, I think. In my head it just seems like all the hope, all the drive I had to do things is gone, because all the things I was working for are inaccessible. I probably should have seen that before. I guesss I didn't want to admit it.

Ah, dear. I could ramble for hours. It just hurts, that's all. Feels like something's imploding in my chest. It's totally ridiculous, but my mind likens it to physical pain. Like deep cuts on the inside of my body.

Too cliché?

Nevermind. I don't know any more.

A different approach would probably help, you're right, Snugglepuss. I'll try my best, thanks.

Caz xxx