Over the last year (starting with my last birthday actually), I've finally began trying to get somewhere with girls that I really do like for some reason. I'm very picky when it comes to how girls look and that's probably why I don't have a girlfriend at this moment, but understanding how attraction works and creating it isn't as much of a problem for me as it use to. In fact, I find it easier to make some girls that only give a faint hint of interest to seek me out in my place of work. I only want girls that I see as on the high end of the scales (8-10s) and even when I come across the few girls that are of my picky standards that are interested in me, I just don't think I deserve so I don't even get their phone number (as easy as handing someone their phone and telling them to do it). I've even given advice on picking up women to a few people and even they've had a 100% success rate when they follow what I tell them to do. But there is a large problem for this to me. Because I realize what's going on behind the scenes with many social interactions, I have a hard time allowing any feelings to grow to attach me to another person because I'm being too intellectual about the whole thing. I wound up in a one-night stand through the use of the techniques I suggest to people and just couldn't go through with it because I didn't feel right about just bashing someone with my "psychological hammer". Although I can get women here to have a lot of interest in me, I'm also in love with a girl that lives very far away from me. In Canada in fact. I've never met her in person yet, but that is about to change. She also suffers from depression, maybe that's why I care about her so much. We're going to have sex (I'm a virgin, she isn't) and I'm very nervous about the whole thing in general, you can call that a low self-worth even though I measure up to being above average with sexual aspects. Really it's just killing me, I don't know why I don't allow myself to be happy even when I can finally get what I want. I'm in a situation where girls finally are interested in me and I don't feel like I deserve it (I guess you can call me an ugly duckling). Girls have even gone to kiss me that I find attractive and I denied them that for some reason, maybe because I don't want them to have to go through problems because of me being suicidal and depressed. Anyone have any suggestions to help me on this?