Long-distance bipolar friend is distant...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Eric, May 29, 2009.

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  1. Eric

    Eric Well-Known Member

    Alright, first topic here in months for me. I never talked any of this, but I'm basically desperate for answers and desperate to understand how she feels.

    My best friend of 8 months (known her for a little under 2 years) is manic-depressive. She has extreme highs and lows, the usual. She always talks about it and I'm there supporting her all the time.

    Lately, however, she's began distancing herself from me, and at one point she said that maybe we should stop talking. It's been going on for 2 or so weeks and it makes me feel bad because I don't know why. I decided to confront her about it because I couldn't take it anymore. Our phone calls wouldn't last 5 minutes even though we usually talk for AT LEAST an hour everyday. Sometimes she doesn't even call at all.

    When I confronted her, she said she's been feeling antisocial lately and there's a lot going on in her life. I understand that, but I don't get why she still talks to other people and not me now. I've decided to give her space and just wait till she's over this because I'll be there for her when that happens.

    Anybody experienced something similar or done something similar to a friend? Got any advice? I just feel helpless and selfish at the same time.
  2. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    She said she has other things going on in her life. The problem maybe she wants you to "just know" what's going on or at least figure it out. Women often drop very, very subtle hints as to what's going on and then expect men to figure it out from those which, of course, we can't from almost no information. The only advice I can give you is to be gentle and understanding and try to coax what may be going on out of her. No judgements and resist giving advice right away. Just listen if she's willing to talk.
  3. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    Sometimes when you're depressed YOU DON'T WANT ANY FUCKING SUPPORT!!!
    I shouted, not for me, but in memory of how it feels, and maybe how it feels for your friend. It doesn't mean your friend doesn't need your help, just that she's going to make it very hard for you to give it. BP is a nasty disease, it often makes us (yes, I am BP) hurt the ones we love and need. I counsel patience and persistence. It's OK to give her a little space, maybe call every other day. It really helps to know that somebody hasn't given up, even if you have. Emails are good, because she doesn't have to respond, just chat about the cute things Scruffy, your little terrier did, or what a bitchy customer you had at work, or how much lilacs smell in the spring. Even if it seems that they're dropping into a black hole, she can know that you still care.
    When I re-read that paragraph, it sounds like I'm advocating you to stalk her. In as sense I suppose I am, and if she ever tells you to stop, I suppose you're legally obligated to do it, but one thing about being BP is that thing change. It's the one thing you cant stop:lol!:.
    Read up on Type II Bipolar Disorder and mixed states. I used to have a bunch of links to recommend, but I can't find them:sad:. Try http://www.bipolar.com - I know I've used that one.
  4. Eric

    Eric Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys.

    See, I leave offline MSN messages (instead of emails) and she likes them, but during this time, I'm confused. I'm not sure if I should send them cause they'd make her want to talk to me when she doesn't or something.
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