Recently I am always having trouble with self harm. I am not much to ask any one for help. I am always smiling and happy. Perhaps to happy. But when I realize. I cant hold down a job I am my 106 new job starting Monday. I cant hold or hug people. I dress up in fursuits to look like a dog. And I have no education or goals. I have no friends in school or life. I build amazing things requiring a university education. I realize I am not like any one else. Each day for me is difficult because when I try to get help I feel like people are paid to help me or studying me. My background is I had no father, Raped from age 4 till I was 11 and my mom was into prostitution. My brother were taken away by child welfare and Both are in prison. I don't have any family. I tried hard to understand what is wrong with me and why no one likes me. Recently I did several real prison tests based on Psychopath Testing. I score 98% I am a bit concerned because I cant be intimate with any one but a part of me love everyone. I don't know if I am straight, gay or neither. My moods are up and down. Each day I think about how the world is better without me. I wish I could find a person similar to relate to because getting help is very hard to do.