Long list of what u might consider life sucess

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rottweiler12345, May 2, 2016.

  1. rottweiler12345

    rottweiler12345 New Member

    Recently I am always having trouble with self harm. I am not much to ask any one for help.
    I am always smiling and happy. Perhaps to happy.
    But when I realize.
    I cant hold down a job I am my 106 new job starting Monday.
    I cant hold or hug people.
    I dress up in fursuits to look like a dog.
    And I have no education or goals.
    I have no friends in school or life.
    I build amazing things requiring a university education.
    I realize I am not like any one else. Each day for me is difficult because when I try to get help I feel like people are paid to help me or studying me.

    My background is I had no father, Raped from age 4 till I was 11
    and my mom was into prostitution. My brother were taken away by child welfare and Both are in prison.
    I don't have any family.

    I tried hard to understand what is wrong with me and why no one likes me.
    Recently I did several real prison tests based on Psychopath Testing. I score 98%
    I am a bit concerned because I cant be intimate with any one but a part of me love everyone.
    I don't know if I am straight, gay or neither.
    My moods are up and down.
    Each day I think about how the world is better without me.
    I wish I could find a person similar to relate to because getting help is very hard to do.
  2. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    Sorry to hear about your family and family history.

    You had 106 jobs and you still havent given up. That is a real succes on its own. Most people would have given up way earlier. Sounds to me like you are a fighter then. You are not in prison, that is also a good thing you should be proud of,.

    Would you like to go back to school or uni? If so, what would you like to study?
    I have animal onesies, I wear them alot. I like wearing them. Specially the ones who have a tail.

    How old are you? I am almost 30 and I don't have all the answers in/to life either.

    I think the world would get a little more boring if you were gone. Im not saying this out of pity, but I could be your friend.
    I am kinda weird but I don't mind.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just wanted to say hi, and welcome to the site. I hope you find it to be helpful and supportive.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I see a lot of positive things in your post, you are such a fighter, and you have things to be proud of.
    After all you've been through, you've been working, you're not in prison, and you're still here! Wow!

    Please don't give up now. Have you been to therapy or psychiatrists? Maybe they could help you with these answers and help you feel better.
    Sexual abuse can make relationships difficult in your adult life, especially if you have not had therapy or counseling for it. But it is possible to get help if you allow yourself. I know it's not easy, but you should let yourself.

    Please be kind to yourself. You do deserve it!
  5. rottweiler12345

    rottweiler12345 New Member


    I want to go to school some day to study agriculture. I would like to some day make a project planting trees back. My goal is not money I some times think I would like to do something for all the animals and people in the world.
    Something that makes a difference for everything in the future. With carbon monoxide levels going higher and nature being destroyed We all will have nothing. As for money I just don't feel right using something that creates every one to be so greedy and is a byproduct of a resource we are loosing. I feel as if the money we have is only a tool we cultivate for slavery. It groups every one into 3 category's Rich, Middle class, Poor. I have no clue what is wrong with every one and the fact they cant do anything free for others unless they consider it charity and make those people feel poor. I think it is the fear of being without or lower class.

    I am age 30. In June I turn 31.
    I was born on Freaky Friday the 13th and my life path numbers are 6.6.7 true fact.
    Some times I dream of sailing around the world. Enjoying the only free place left in the world. And I hope to some day see the only unclaimed part of ant Antarctica.
    As for the costume I own It is a husky head. It looks very realistic. I have a tail I made to. I dont like the way I look as a person.
    As for depression It comes and goes. A part of me wishes I could save some one who wants to do that. But the other part of me does not even know if I can save my self.
    I tried to Complete a Psychopath Test unfortunately my score was 98% I tested 90 of the people online all of them got 50% Normal.
    Bellow is a pic of me and a few things I made. Some times I like to invent things other times I want to quit. I added a cute wolf picture that makes me happy why not. Today I feel alright but I have no clue about tomorrow starts with cryign for no reason. My past does not make me sad tho so I wish I knew why.

    563179_10152577929600650_303772799_n.jpg Puppy_Love_by_screwbald.jpg