Fair warning, this is going to be a long one. (Trigger as well maybe?) 7 years I have been suffering with depression. About a year and a half ago, I began self harming. But I had been abusing medicines since long before ( sleep pills, paracetamol, tramadol etc). About 2 weeks ago (for the third time) I overdosed. Ended up being sick and passing out. The only regret I had was waking up. Recently (within the last year... Maybe a bit longer) I have been hearing/seeing things. It started off with seeing myself covered in blood and cuts, to having a voice in my head constantly. And he is the one that makes it all worse. He is privy to every thought I have, and so he knows what words will hurt the most. And most of the time I don't self harm to appease myself, I do it so that he will let me try and live another day. And it's so hard. Work is becoming impossible. I don't talk to my friends anymore. My boyfriend of two years, I am pushing away. All day, everyday, all I can think of is when I can cut next, and trying to stop him from pushing me further. Now, there is nothing wrong with my life. No family deaths, parents still together, boyfriend, friends (even if I am pushing them away), no abuse in the family. So why the hell am I like this. I feel so goddamn guilty, because I have no right to. But yet I still find myself here night after night, blade in one hand and pills in the other. I'm getting so desperate. I can't, I just can't keep going, I don't know how to, and I don't want to. I want out, but I don't want to screw it up and end up a vegetable. I didn't come here for advice on how to die, I would just really appreciate someone to talk to for a while. Because I don't think I can do it.