long road back from self harm *may trigger*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by andyc68, Mar 12, 2008.

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  1. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    a middle-class girl (with teachers as parents and older siblings) grows up in a village.
    studious and athletic,she enjoys childhood blighted only by only a few arguements with her parents.
    she learns what not to say to her fragile mother,who has just lost her own parents, as does everything possible to please.swimming, gymnastics and musical talents gain her praise and awards.

    adolescence arrives with a new set of rules. intellegence and athleticism are no longer ' cool '. the ability to get a detention and play truant while smoking is rewarded with peer idolatry.
    but bullying starts and when her few friends desert her for the popular crowd, she begins to self harm. scrathing her arms gets her out of lessons where name calling and physical violence goes ignored by teachers.
    she switches schools but the same problems arise. she's also attractive and the attention this brings her- jealousy from other girls, leering from boys- is confusing.

    the self harm progresses to scissors, compass blades and kitchen knives.
    unable to tell her parents their ' wonderful ' daughter is in turmiol,she suffers in silence and overdoses on painkillers.
    she wakes in the morning and vomits all the next day, passing it off as a stomach bug.
    now using a craft knife and razor blades to cut her arms, she attempts once again- hoping this time she has cut so many times and so deeply that she'll bleed to death.

    again she fails.

    one of her ' acquaintances (she wouldn't call them friends - who'd want her as a friend ) informs the teacher who tells the shocked parents.
    a counsellor and phychologist are organised- but where does she begin?.
    can she talk about her parents and how she has hidden everything from her mother who she believes too fragile to deal with this.
    isn't she the 'perfect ' daughter?

    and she is, she passes her exams with flying colours, all a+, a and b's, but this was expected of her and the praise is faint and she regards the b's as a failure.
    she isn't good enough and a 2nd overdose lands her in hospital, worried parents and siblings around her bed as she awakes make her feel ten times worse.
    she wasn't supposed to be there, the pain of living with her unpopular, ugly, scarred self was meant to be over.
    giving up on life she stops eating and is admitted to an eating disorder ward,where, for the last time she takes a razor blade to her wrists watching tendons lacerate and blood flow- but she is found in time.

    she throws herself into therapy and begins to understand her parents problems are not her responcability and its ok to be who she is.
    this girl is now thankful to be alive, it has been a long hard road ( 6 years and counting) and sometimes she thought of giving up again but as she sits typing at her window, the sun streaming thru, the birds singing, and she knows every painful second was worth it.

    i'm now starting a nursing degree at uni, i have a beautiful neice and a gorgeous nephew whom i would never have seen had i been successful in my suicide attempts. i've had 2 great relationships although i am single now and have close friends and an army of people who are proud of me for turning my life around.
    i have battled this illness like someone battles cancer, but because its a mental health issue i am supposed to feel ashamed.
    my arms and stomach are scarred forever but i no longer keep them hidden.
    i'm a survivour and i am glad.
    we don't live in a perfect world but we can imrove it if we live our life with hope. i want to do anything possible to raise awareness of these issues, i would love to see them addressed in school.
    with the pressures to be size zero, designer must haves, school exams, parental expectations and under-age sex we all need positive role models.
    i hope i am one.

    written by Jenna Hassell

    taken from The Daily Mail 12-3-08
  2. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    just a beautifull story, i hope it worths for someone to feel better^^
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    beautifully written.

    i wonder what the response was from people who saw it in the newspaper?

  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i saw it and cried in the works canteen, just had to share it with you.
  5. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    aww... that made me cry. but in a good way =) thanks for posting that!!
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