Long Story if you're interested

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Agoodperson, Jan 9, 2011.

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  1. Agoodperson

    Agoodperson New Member


    I recently (mid ocotober) split with an ex partner who originally had 2 children to her ex husband. (girl and boy aged 3 & 7).

    At the beginning of the relationship she told me 1 of her children was not her ex husbands child but she had never said anything to anyone and he has always paid maintenance for that child too.

    This was the source of arguments over the years as i could never quite settle knowing it. We lived together for 7 1/2 years. 1st meeting at work. She left work in about 2005. We then had our own child together.

    We kept arguing about silly things and my step childs paternity always came up as well as her claiming benefits fraudulently. I argued to the point where it came to a climax 1 day and due to the pressure I hit her once. ONCE is enough.

    I left to go to my mum and dad's after asking should i contact the police cos i was ashamed of myself. This never happened. She told me via my parents it was over and that the step children will not see u either. I have never coped with this loss. I can't handle living on my own, i feel my character has been ruined as she has come out with accusations basically to cover the fact the we split up over a childs paternity and her claiming fraudulently. She pressed charges against me on 29th Dec and i am now going to court on 18th Jan. I have never had any trouble with the police so i have a clean record.

    I have felt like ending it for a few months as i cannot handle living on my own, I feel guilt over my parents missing out on grandkids. I feel constantly drained as i cry/sob constantly for my 2 other step children. I see my own child every W/E but when he mentions there names my heart sinks. I feel i haven't really got a supportive family and i also feel i have lost a lot of friends. Can people on here identify to this.

    Thanks for listening
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry all this has damaged you so much. When you go to court would it be possible to get an order for you to see your step children as well. I Hope the judge listens and takes all into account. Please hang on okay Your children need their day hugs
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i recently had a friend go to court for something similar. they got 2 years probation and an anger management course. not ideal but not the end of the world. no jail time.

    stick around. your kids need you. do you have a lawyer to help you fight for partial custody? you need to fight for your rights. don't let the assault charge stop you.
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Im in the UK and a neigbour I know ended up on a similar charge. There was evidence of it as in a bruise. He got community service for 200 hours. Funny thing is he got back with this women.

    As for losing your grandchild - if you have a child then its the very likely that in time you get visitation rights. A LOT depends on your woman. But also its down to you to at least make sure you don't let your emotions get out of hand. Hard though it is try to conduct any divorce or legal proceedings with dignity.

    I don't know if there is any hope of getting back together and maybe it might be best to ignore her 'fraud' as I'm not sure if that will help anyone, least of all the child involved. But, it has to be said, I'd not ever want to be with a women who actually could lie to another man in that situation. If its true, she does damage to the father who does not know, the child who does not know her paternal father and her for lying to several people - plus denying some grandparents the chance to know their child.

    She sounds like a dishonest women from the word go - but, I could well understand some women perhaps lying to keep a man or ward off a man who seems like he will be a bad father.

    I would NOT report it to the authorities though as it would never be an excuse for assault. It will not help your case and might even just cause more damge like I said.

    Good luck though and get some legal advice.
  5. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    maybe immigrate to the netherlands, i was once at a courtsession where a big bouncer hit a woman in a wheelchair and even broke her mobile phone and everything whilst trying to strangle her, he got away with a fine of 300 euros (about $400) all i can say is get a good attorney and you should be cleared, you even showed regret. hang in there, you seem like a good person
  6. Agoodperson

    Agoodperson New Member

    Thank you for your advice, I am still around. I have got a decent solicitor and he seems to think i'll get a fine as even the officer charging me wanted to just give me a caution but due to the government cracking down on deomestic violence this had to go to the crown prosecution service.

    I will appear at a magistrates court on 18th Jan, like i said i now have representation and if need be i have hundreds of people to give me a charactor reference. Just feel so low after everything.
  7. katie28

    katie28 New Member

    Seems like you really depended upon this person. Sometimes when we end any sort of relationship it can feel awful whilst we try to adjust to not having that comfort that once felt so secure and permanent.
    I'm not old enough to haveissues with step kids and partners xD but I have also recently lost most of my friends apart from one mutual friend. It's a horrible feeling, lonliness, but we must move on. My dad has gone through two divorces, both of which he lost everyone and everything. He's beenhrouh situations just like yours but he's now getting married again and it seems like everythings worked well (for the time being). It may seem like you've lost the people closest to you but I hope you find he courage to believe that this doesn't have to be the end.
    (sorry for the spelling mistakes :))
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