Long story sorry

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by american bulldog, Dec 14, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Hi Iam 44 years old an 4 years ago my best freind died we new each other for about 20 years.we worked together went out together with our wives before his wife left him.Icouldnt believe it wen I herd he was dead.Itook it quite badly and tried to talk to my wife but after a month or two she just used to say look hes dead get over it.we had a picture up of him but one day it wasnt there when I asked her she said the frame didnt go with the new carpet an wallpaper so she had put it in a box upstairs.so I tried to cope on my own went to churchs and would just sit an think priests an vickers would try an chat but when I asked them why him they just seemed to say its gods way well I dont believe that An he deffinatly didnt.My wife was no help then last year she lost here mom to cancer an it was different then she wonted supportin and helpin and then all of a sudden the house is full of photos of here mum.So sorry for going on Ill get to the point if thats wot its called so every day I wake up an try an think of why I dont end it I used to think of loads of reasons but now I struggle.Im terrified of heights but now I see a high balcony or wall an i clime onn an just sit lookin down an think if XXXX will he be waitin then I think no he wont because I dont believe in that an nor did he.I dont wont to upset or offend any one but if you do answer do not try to convince me there is a better lfe waitin becouse if I thought that I would hav been ther the day after his funeral
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 14, 2010
  2. Cute_Angel_Xx

    Cute_Angel_Xx Account Closed


    Sorry to hear about your loss, beverment can be a extremerly hard thing to cope with and can cause alot of friction, it doesn't seem like yor wife really does understand how you are feeling about this and she is not treating you fairly, have you thought of talking to someone who may feel similar such as a friend?

    When looseing someone it's best if you do something to remember them not trying to forget them, it seems like your wife might be a bit worried about you, so am I :(

    You could make a scrap book with all the good times write a song do a mini play under his name, I know thiss must be hard but we are hear for you *sending hugs*
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You grief is so deep for your friend I think getting some therapy for you will help you let go of the sadness and pain you hold inside you.
    Your wife she is thinking she is helping you she doesn't quite understand yet
    I agree do something to commemorate your friend Plant a favorite tree of his or anything but dont give up He would not want you to give up okay Get some grief therapy to help you thru the pain it does help
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    yeah I don't think your wife really understood what you were/are going through. maybe loosing her mom has changed her perspective on that

    it's really hard to loose someone that you are close to, but on the other hand you are probably better off having known him than not. some people never have such good friends in their lives.

    your friend would probably want you to live and to be as happy as possible. making your own life as good as you can make, maybe also helping others would be the most amazing tribute that you could make to your friend

    do you want to talk about how your friend died?
  5. Thankyou all for your replies.I actualy felt good readin them my wife is wrapped up in her own world I didnt say in my first her moms sister died oct this year so she is always talkin to her sisters an cousans.which I dont mind cause she leaves me alone then.I work quite long hours as a truck driver so weekends are spent shopping and visiting her father.Idont wont to forget my freind an its not gunna happen any time soon I drive past the house he lived 2 or 3 times aday in my truck.In the begining I used to drive off in the car at weekends for hours at a time but it just caused rows with my wife.The scrapbook may not bee a good idea for me I dont wont my wife to find it.One good think she has done is 2 years ago she bought a dog so I take that out at weekends anI walk an think which might not be the bestthing to do but I prefer to be on my own thankyou once again all of .I willwright again an maybe discuss how my freind died but I have to go now.sorry if I am goin on or a bit all over the place but I hav never said any of this to anyone.
  6. Cute_Angel_Xx

    Cute_Angel_Xx Account Closed

    How about making a website dedicated to him and get his friends to join like on webs.com how does that sound?
  7. think it might be time my wife is sick shes bin inn bed for 2 days and she isnt going to get better any time soon.So now I hav to look after her cause her precious family dont give a dam.well fuckit im going im not spendin another misrable xmas with her:shelbi:
  8. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Well, try be content and smile and give all you can. Deep down then, you will not be miserable. I know it is hard, but you can do this.
    Many here have no family or friends and would give anything to have people around them at this festive time, i know i would.
    Peace and regards Pete
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2010
  9. Infortunatus

    Infortunatus Guest

    Four years is too long to be grieving your friend's death no matter how close you were. If you can complete the grief process and move on probably your marital relationship will improve. If you haven't been able to do that in this much time, maybe you need to seek some professional help.
  10. been for a walk in the woods with the dog an said my good byes to her for the past 2 years she has been the best listnerfound my spot going back later should be nice an peacefull thanks for all the advice an support:i'm sorry:
  11. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    I really hope you don't go through with this. i know it's difficult (what an understatement)...but I Know. I know. Trust me. I'm standing in the same space.

    I've got my companion lying at my feet (as well as a little one i'm training for a son). She is with me 24 hrs day 7 days a week. I've outlived several of my companions, and i've lost a good many friends and relatives to suicide. It never gets easier but i keep thinking there is a way...that perhaps there is something we are missing?

    Maybe you could stick around with the rest of us who are trying to figure this out? I don't hold out much hope in finding answers, but i can lend comfort on occasion. I understand. So do a good many people here.

    I've also stood in my spot in the woods with my well fed friend, and i'm speaking of my wood and steel companion. Been there many times. I don't even understand why i am sitting here now.

    I just hope that you hold on to something. Find something. I know it hurts. I know. It's confusing and freaking frustrating. It doesn't help when people in our lives don't understand. I know this. So do a good many people here. Stick around for a bit?

    **hugs** if you need them, they are there.
  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    So sorry to hear about the loss of your best friend, but unfortunately, death is an eventual part of life. I doubt that your buddy would want you to kill yourself due to his death. Is there anything about your life that you still enjoy?
  13. beachdawg

    beachdawg Well-Known Member

    Hello Bulldog,

    I'm really sorry for your loss and the emotional pain and suffering you are feeling. Grief is a terribly difficult thing to work through, and I have no real idea how to get through it myself.

    I hope you can take some solace perhaps by participating in these online forums. I also detect some anger and a little hostility in your posts. It seems your wife maybe hasn't supported you in your grief and helped you work through it as a spouse should.

    I have experienced something similar.

    Last year, my father died suddenly. I was seeing a girl I thought I'd marry. She was supportive throughout the funeral and making the arrangements. Then, immediately after we left the cemetary (and I do mean immediately) that all stopped. Zero support. Constant pressure from here for more... more commitment, more gifts more more more... even to the point where I reminded her of my loss and her only comment was "... well your grief could last years. I can't wait that long."

    This lead to a bad suicidal depressive bout for me. Real bad. I mean, the only reason, and I mean it is the ONLY reason I didn't go over to the other side then (this was last spring) was because I didn't have my affairs in order... no will, etc. That slight delay got me into seeing my therapist. She was the one who was able to point out to me my anger toward my girlfriend (who, by the way, is now my ex-girlfriend).

    My advice to you, my friend, is seek out help. I don't know that there are therapists out here, but please try to find one near you.... I know the advice is a bit cliche' but strong emotions such as grief and anger that you appear to be feeling are often difficult to handle. They're normal, but difficult.

    You don't appear to feel supported in your grief by your wife. I am sorry you lack that support. You are justified in your grief and it's important to work through it. I hope you'll post some more online with us. Perhaps some of us here can give you that support in some small way that you appear to be lacking.
  14. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    i can't imagine what you are going through...i know if i lost my best friend, i would not make it out alive...i would need SERIOUS help...SERIOUS support...i know i wouldn't really get it w/o a therapist...so i hope you are getting some help...cuz you're not going to get better without it...

    and, maybe you should tell your wife how you feel? harder than it sounds, but realistically, she probably doesn't know how much you're hurting, especially if you're making an effort to hide it...

    i'm sorry for your loss, but i TRULY hope you find the support you are looking for, whether it be from your wife or a psychologist...(psychologists can be INCREDIBLE)...also, maybe there's a support group in your community...it seems that's all you are looking for, and that's all you really need...i hope you find something to help you through this...
  15. think tonight is my best chance my wife is safe in hospital thanks for all the advice:i'm sorry:
  16. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Please don't do this to yourself. Your loved ones will be forever in pain if you kill yourself. :sad:
  17. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Who will look after the dog? Your wife probably won't! Seriously - listen to what people have said about grief/bereavement counselling. Talking it through with someone may help you to deal with it and also how you feel about the lack of support from your wife - would I be right in thinking there's other stuff there?
    Stay away from your chosen spot until you have looked at other sources of help.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.