Long term planning

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tired82, Sep 17, 2014.

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  1. tired82

    tired82 Well-Known Member

    My last major depression episode was about 7 years ago, since then it's been between some decent days and mild down days. I've came realize that there isn't much room for improvement in life with my situation, and it's difficult to be optimistic with depression lingering around like a shadow and seeing the realities of my life clearly.

    I've always had a plan of sorts in my head that didn't go beyond preparing for it. There were things that kept me from it, whether it's consideration for family or I had a decent day. Mostly it's the procrastinator in me. I consider myself having a "rational" approach to taking my life - I don't see doing it spur of the moment or emotionally as options for me. When and how I do it would be because I feel I'm finally out of moves and options. Kind of like hitting the reset button when nothing else works.

    Which brings me to today. After 17 years working for the same company, we were told that there will be layoffs next year. Management "kindly" informed us actual layoffs won't start until Feb. and continue until Sept 2015. My mind immediately was filled with conflicting thoughts. This was motivation to die AND move on. I thought I might move on to something else, but the realist in me reminded me of everything I'm lacking at 41 years of age to see major changes in my life. I considered some immediate employment options, but they required near impossible concessions. I found myself thinking this is happening too early and I'm not ready to take my life. The conflicting thought was this is the perfect opportunity since there's no time to procrastinate.

    Choosing to go on with life appears full of worse surroundings that I know will drive me towards a worse state than I was yesterday. I might as well not delay the inevitable and start planning and preparing.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You don't know what will happen if you will be laid off or not You need to start planning for a new start ok if you are laid off then you start searching for a new position now
    You have lots of experiance yes so don't give up on you There is no reation approach to taking ones life just isn't any ok not when there are other options
    Hold on they say an ending is truly not an ending but a new start
  3. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    I completely understand your thoughts - I myself have a long-term plan too - but you have to realise that your life could change for the better in some other respect and you could again change your mind about taking your life (which well all hope you do). In this case, you need a carry-on plan in case that happens. In a sense, plan for all options, and you never know, you could find greater joy in your next employment than you ever did in your current job. It is definitely worth having that back up, to keep you motivated and enjoying the things that would normally stop you from your suicidal thoughts.
    Please keep safe and keep talking :hug:
  4. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    First of all, give yourself a firm pat of affirmation on the shoulder. You have been doing your best to manage your emotions along with your job responsibilities since your depression 7 years ago.

    17 years of work experience is a valuable asset to any one. Sometimes one simply needs more time to think about what needs to be done when life-changing events occur. There are others like you. You are not alone.

    Keep posting to share your thoughts with us.
  5. tired82

    tired82 Well-Known Member

    Appreciate the responses. I've decided, for the moment, to take a trip once the layoffs start and go from there. I understand what you all are saying about the future being better and all. I get that.

    However, it's difficult to keep that mindset without hope. I'm not optimistic about the job market for a 40 year old who'd been tied down to one place for 17 years. Moving on to something better seems like a pipe dream. Working in survival mode and living paycheck to paycheck (not much different than now) is the likely scenario. Having a family at this point, or next year becomes more unrealistic, and that is a highlight - no extra burden for myself and someone else.

    This is the outlook I have after years and years of negative thinking. And I hate to say it, but positive thinking isn't going to change future outcomes. Positive action would change the future, but I'm too tired to want to make an effort.
  6. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    My situation doesn't give me much hope either.

    You are right on about positive action being able to change the future. What would bring about the unwavering decision to take positive action and persevere till positive outcomes emerge? It sounds like positive thinking to me. I'm also too tired to make an effort. I am not interested in labels or concepts like positive thinking or positive action actually. I'm only asking myself: do I want to survive? Can I still carry on with day to day living while deciding whether to make a real effort to understand what I really need in life (other than just working to survive) or just go ahead to end my life?
  7. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    I hear your fears. But fortunately time is on your side. Start looking for a job now.
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