Long time, need a bit of help.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Smashed__, Jul 14, 2007.

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  1. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    Its been some time since I've been here, I guess thats a good thing? heh I have had surgery, been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and start my 5th? round of chemotherapy monday. I had a good CT but they ordered 3 more rounds.

    I have suffered a whirl wind of new emotions. For a while I was numb, and didn't really care. then shock, and more hate. Later I felt optomistic and latley I've felt like I could tie the cord around my neck again. :( The teeniest things make me spin into a fit of rage, and My mother can't ever see why. We end up fighting when she tries to get me to talk- because I know she can't "get" something. The last incident I would up banging my head against the wall crying, and getting threatened to call a bus(ward). I'm exhausted physicaly and emotionaly and don't know how to cope.

    When something as simple as being told "shut up" by my younger sister when I get upset about her complaining makes me sink. I am alone at night(sleeping schedule) and that doesn't help either.

    I am so afraid and feel trapped. I can't end my life because I will let my family down, and make them worse then they are. I don't know how much longer I can take this..
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    As you are probably aware, the chemo can have something to do with this as your defenses are down. When you are not feeling well, you are definitely more irritable. My father, normally a quiet, gentle man with a great sense of humor, underwent his chemo treatments, he turned into someone I barely knew. He became quick tempered and extremely emotional. After his treatments were completed he was back to the same gentle soul he had always been. The illness can also increase the depression level. Have you spoken with your doctor about how things are for you at this point? I really can't offer you much advice other than try to be patient and ride this out. Hopefully things will change soon. I am sorry to hear about the cancer, but glad to hear the CT came back good. Take care, I will keep you in my thoughts. :hug:
     
  3. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    thanks.

    may I ask, have ou ever seen a page or list of the ways to commit suicide but with all the ways each can go wrong, and not end up dead? I have lost it and would like to have it again.
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I remember seeing it on the web, but can't recall which site. I'll do some searching, and if I come across it again I will let you know.
     
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