Its been some time since I've been here, I guess thats a good thing? heh I have had surgery, been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and start my 5th? round of chemotherapy monday. I had a good CT but they ordered 3 more rounds. I have suffered a whirl wind of new emotions. For a while I was numb, and didn't really care. then shock, and more hate. Later I felt optomistic and latley I've felt like I could tie the cord around my neck again. The teeniest things make me spin into a fit of rage, and My mother can't ever see why. We end up fighting when she tries to get me to talk- because I know she can't "get" something. The last incident I would up banging my head against the wall crying, and getting threatened to call a bus(ward). I'm exhausted physicaly and emotionaly and don't know how to cope. When something as simple as being told "shut up" by my younger sister when I get upset about her complaining makes me sink. I am alone at night(sleeping schedule) and that doesn't help either. I am so afraid and feel trapped. I can't end my life because I will let my family down, and make them worse then they are. I don't know how much longer I can take this..