VERY TRIGGERING (If you are suicidal, rather skip this post) After one and only attempt in 2011 i've somehow managed to be happy for a while. Got a girlfriend, moved in and stuff... 2 years, she left me, nothing weird though, i'm possesive and jealous... i've battled with depression and suicide. I finished college with amazing grade. I've got a car license few months ago. I'm going to UK and Scotland with friends next month. I will continue education in other city. I'm saying all these things because thats what i wanted for years... now when i finally have enough money and when i achieved all this, i'm getting more depressed... tried different psychologist, diferrrent meds... they practically don't work, except sleeping pills and sedatives... i guess i'm imune on antidepressants.... The only reason i am thinking about suicide and not actually doing it are my parents... but in the end, i always was egoistic spoiled brat, and i know when i'll sink a little further i am capable of killing myself... no jokes this time, <mod edit - methods>, i'll take chances... I can't stand it. And the worst thing is there is no one to blame. All the mistakes, all misfortune is all result of my actions. No one forced me into anything, no one hurted me... except me. I tried fighting this, i swear... sport daily... medication... books, self theraphy... shrink... lots of sports, fruits and healthy food... distraction like achieving a lot... i'm one of the best student, extremely inteliigent... but i don't give a fuck. I will NOT live this live thinking daily what i will never have. Her. Or forget her and have a family. I rather fucking die then live a life of regret, unllived dreams... it's just that i really dont want to hurt my parents. I wish i could somehow erase myself from their memory and <mod edit - methods>.. well it doesnt really mather. All i know is that my life will end with a suicide. Maybe soon, maybe 10 years from now... i remember telling this to a friend this few years ago... i realise now... the more the things change, the more they stay the same. Sorry, just ignore this.