Hello, I'm in my early 40's and have had suicidal thoughts since my early teens but this is the first time I've ever mentioned them to anyone. I get exhausted thinking about continuing on with my life for however many years I have left. I really don't see the difference in the long term if I spend 40 years or 80 years here. The only thing that's making me hesitate on just ending it is the huge regret that would occur if there really is an afterlife or some higher reason for being here and I throw away my chance at it. If I was convinced that there was no afterlife then this would be a quick decision and I'd be done with it. At the same time, continuing on just checking off days with no real meaning sure isn't worth much and makes me full of regret for another wasted day. This makes me think I should take the chance on there be nothing after this place. Here's some background in no special order: -- My stepson has left the house and is doing well in college. -- I have a well paying job that I've peaked at. The next 15 years will just be a repeat of the past with no personally rewarding goals. -- My marriage is unhappy but not miserable. I've tried to increase communication with my wife but her idea of 'talking' is me just listening. -- I used to have some hobbies that really motivated me to get through work so I could enjoy my off time. I set some large goals with my hobbies and now that I've met them I've lost interest. -- I have a huge resistance to taking medication for mental illness -- I come from the old school of "suck it up and don't show weakness". I would have a very difficult time seeing a Dr about these thoughts. -- I probably have PTSD but have not been diagnosed -- I am a drunk but haven't touched booze in 6 months in hopes that it would help me make my life better. It hasn't. I don't see any better way out of this than just to end it and I spend time thinking about how to do it in a way that definitely won't fail. I know you've been through this before. Do you have any thoughts that might help me decide? Thank you for your help.