Longing for the end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Robald, Nov 13, 2008.

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  1. Robald

    Robald Active Member

    So I survived my attempt of 2 weeks ago and I'm back in this sorry prison cell of life where the thought of hurting my close family keeps me from escaping.
    Every time I go to sleep I wish that I would never wake up.
    Current plan is to wait it out till my mum passes away without forming any more dependent relationships so that I can then find the deliverance I crave without destroying anyone else's life in the process.
    This could well be 2 or 3 decades. Taken one day at a time, trying to pretend that I'm glad to be alive to save other people's feelings, always looking back to this year and regretting where it all went wrong. I don't know if I can make it, but I don't know if I can make the escape either.
    I have no idea where I'm going any more. I just know I don't want to be here.
    Not looking for sympathy or advice, I get plenty of that. This is just a chance to be open and honest about what I'm feeling, which is increasingly rare these days.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and just wanted to send you my caring and big hugs, J
  3. Rock

    Rock Member

    well i am still supporting you and man live for your friends or some close peoples i dont have reason for live but i still hanging on lets hang both allright ? mine email is open for you
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You said that you want to go back to the day this all started. Do you remember any of it? That could be key to helping you get out of this slump!! Why don't you see a therapist she/he can help you bring all of that to the surface and teach you how to deal with it. Good Luck!!~Joseph~
  5. Wozza78

    Wozza78 Well-Known Member

    You articulated my feelings almost word for word there. I know that some days it really does feel like emotional atachments to other people are like shackles, but they are also a lifeline too. Anything that keeps the sword hanging has to be a good thing right? One day at a time is all I can manage too...most of the time. How do I plan for a future I dont believe I have? Hang in there, the fact that you care about other people is a flicker of hope isnt it? One we both still have.
  6. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    You're in a good position in that you love and care about your mother. I think that's what keeps a lot of us going, not wanting to hurt someone you love and who loves you. A lot will happen in the next 2 or 3 decades. There's no predicting what good experiences you'll have during that time, or how many relationships you'll form. I do what you do - take it a day at a time. That's all we have, anyway - today.
  7. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    I'm in the same boat with my parents. I wish I had a clone.
  8. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    If it matters, I care about you. I invest my interest in you, and more importantly I draw strength in knowing that you suffer a similar affliction. Please PM if you are considering anything serious.


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