Look Ugly in a Photograph

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Hache, Dec 22, 2010.

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  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I keep seeing photo's of myself on facebook which are unflattering and ugly. Seeing them seems to shatter my dream of who I could be for some reason. Almost like it is sinking realization that you were ugly all along.

    Right now it isn't an I'm ugly kill me, it is a weird feeling of oh thats who I am not the person I feel in my head. Hard to explain.
  2. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    no i think you explained it well, i know exactly what you mean, hache.
    but pictures really can show you in the wrong moment. it doesnt nessesarily mean that thats how you appear.
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Very rarely do I think I look good in a photo, but everyone else sees me as attractive even in the same photos. I also don't see the same thing in the mirror as in a photo. I don't know if anyone can be a very good judge of their own attractiveness.
  4. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I've noticed my ugliness in the mirror but only certain angles which I choose to avoid, almost deny and just look where I like. But seeing a photograph of that ugly side makes me realise that is the real me I cannot hide.

    Certainly 1 half of why I am single.
  5. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Normally this is something you'd expect girls to do, but we're guys and I kind of know what you mean. When I was younger I hated looking in the mirror because I always wished my problems would go away. It's strange how things always look worse in photos or in mirrors you don't normally use when you're prepping. For me, I don't like my jaw or my teeth or my cheeks. Nothing is symmetrical. It's like both sides of my face belong on 2 different people. I also worried a lot more back then about weight lifting and having a heavier build because I knew that females preferred masculine traits. But, bottom line, I'm a weak guy and I think I'm happier being this way. It's too hard to be something I'm not. How I felt about this was worse when I was younger because of all of the hormones. I'm getting older now and I think it's slowly settling in. I'm caring a lot less about girls and looks. I try to focus on the more important things.

    Other people often judge us based on how we feel. Ya, girls notice how we look, but I think how you feel has at least an equal impact on their impressions of you. So it's important to keep a positive attitude and not dwell on particular imperfections. Besides, when it comes to relationships and marriage, success and confidence in life are far, far more important than your looks. Especially as a guy.

    I guess what I'm telling you is that it's going to be hard for you to accept how you look when you're young because your body chemistry is programmed that way. You're GOING to think about girls and there's nothing you can do to stop that. That means you're GOING to be more critical of yourself with respect to those matters. But as you age you slowly start to realize there's more to life than the song and dance of boys and girls. Far more. If you can understand and learn those OTHER things better, you will ultimately feel much more satisfied and be more capable as well. Think about it. Looks are superficial. But skills produce real things. Without skills, the world is just porn. Having said this though I don't expect any of it to sink in until much later. We can't stop the aging process anymore than we can make an adolescent not think about sex. All anyone can really do is try to be their best and find a balance in their circumstances.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2010
  6. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Thats a good post, thanks :)

    One of the key things about confidence is it comes from victory, reward, reaffirming, experience. A football team that has lost the last 3 games isn't going to be as confident as one who has won the last 3. I dont believe confidence is in my own hands, except in my own determining of success and importance, you can do things to try and get that win and build confidence but when I look at my friends I realize a big difference is they've had plenty of success before, I have had very little to none.
  7. Wreks1

    Wreks1 Member

    look at it this way... some people will find you attractive, some will think your ugly. some people you won't care about some people you will... so it kind of works out. all about confidence and at least you weren't born with deformities like the elephant man :) so count yourself lucky and stay positive.

    Sometimes i feel ugly sometimes i think i'm decent looking... it's just self awareness i guess.
  8. Underground

    Underground Well-Known Member

    Imo, I think how you're feeling on a day and your general self-confidence effects how you see yourself. For example, I have this webcam picture of me. The day I took it, I was having a good day, and I quite liked it. I put it as my Facebook pic, MSN dp, and as my profile pic on two forums I'm part of. Now, seeing it when I'm depressed or something, I hate it. I feel like I look ugly, like some goon.

    Same with looking in the mirror and stuff. There is a mental side to beauty as well as physical, which is sometimes why people feel an overall attraction to someone if they have a good presentation of themselves as well as some kind of assertive confidence. It doesn't matter if they're a bit fat, or too thin, or don't have the best skin in the world. There was this girl I knew that going out with a guy I had a mega crush on. Now looking at her at face value, she wasn't attractive. She had lots of acne and braces, etc. But talking to her and seeing how sympathetic, confident and just how much of an overall good person she was, I could actually see her in a different life, and I think that's what my crush did as well, who was what I'd considered an extremely good looking guy.

    I'm gonna use a celebrity example here and maybe not the best, but Susan Boyle as she is now. She's got a general reputation for being ugly and stuff. But when many people hear her sing, and she asserts a bit of confidence, or even tells her life story she has a somewhat overwhelming charisma, and now when many people look at her, she just seems like a cheery middle agedwoman with a God given talent. Of course loads of people have a different opinion on that, etc. But just saying.

    So what I'm saying is, present yourself as well as you can on a day to day basis and in photos... and look at them when you're feeling good. You will feel better about yourself. Same with the mirror, etc.
  9. Staysuplate

    Staysuplate Member

    I can barely look at a mirror, let alone take photos. Not that I think I am ugly, I think the face I see, isn't actually really mine, and I feel ugly.

    I otherwise don't really see or consider anyone or anything else physically ugly, just myself, so I can reason that I am probably not ugly and its just a feeling I have about myself, but still, I avoid photos, mirrors and even rough reflections make me feel uneasy.

    So I think I sort of know what you mean. Maybe my perspective is more warped.
  10. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    I am ugly in pictures and in real life....pretty darn ugly.
  11. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replys.

    I avoid my reflection when I am out walking down the street, maybe in a shop with a mirror or just a shop window, I avoid catching a glimpse of myself at all costs because I probably wont like what I see, sometimes it makes me almost panic and rush home, but on the odd occassion I see a reflection I like it makes me walk taller and happier.

    How do you stop being so insecure?
  12. Fluffdaddy

    Fluffdaddy New Member

    A photograph captures a moment in time, and chances are it is NOT a good moment. Digital photography has made it so we just snap away and so we can catch some pretty awkward and unflattering shots. Especially if you're like me and you've grown an extra chin.

    I don't think I'm an unattractive person, but there are some photos of me that are absolutely terrible. Like I look like I'm some sort of deformed hobbit. And there are some photos of me that I think look really good... where I think "yeah, that's me, that's the face I want to show the world." I keep those and throw away all the rest. I might like one in a hundred shots of me. But that's the one that's going on Facebook.

    Other people, when they upload shots, they're not going to look for the best one of you, so you might want to take the matter into your own hands and upload your favorite pictures of yourself. And if you don't have any, start taking them until you find one you like.

    That's just my two cents.
  13. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Whenever I'm on Facebook and it shows pics of me on the top right part I just cringe, especially if it's the one of me on the photoshoot I went on with my family. I hate pictures of me, they make me want to crawl up in a ball and die. Cannot even look at them. It's not that I'm disgustingly ugly (although I do think I am a lot of the time), there's just something about seeing myself, especially unexpectedly, that revolts me.
  14. hannahjb

    hannahjb Active Member

    I used to struggle a lot with self-image, but in the past year or two it's gotten better. I've gotten to the point where I can post pictures of myself on Facebook and not cringe or feel like I'm not good enough.

    Also, if you find pictures of yourself unflattering under one light, try another light. For example, black and white, sepia (it's a yellow-goldish tone you can find on Mac webcams), etc. Sunlight doesn't bring out the best in everyone, so maybe there's something more flattering for you out there!
  15. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I think it has a lot to do with what's going on inside. If you're a contented and successful person it will show in how you conduct yourself. An unhappy person who is not doing well in life and/or is overly focused on sex or looks is going to have a rough time. As we grow older we gravitate away from sex and the birds and the bees and more towards career skills and productivity. This changes how we look at ourselves and others. This also is related to hormone levels. As we age they subside and this helps to open the door of success to us. But it's not always easily earned or received. One thing is for sure and that's reality rarely behaves like it does on paper!

    Advice is only a rough guide. What an adult tells you is just an educated guess. Nothing is certain, but if you want to keep ahead it's best to listen more than you talk, at any age. But most lessons have to be learned on our own. We can't succeed without making mistakes. In fact, it's often those who make the most mistakes that learn the most! No, they're no superman, although that's a logical suspicion. Instead, they're just very driven people who have a goal in mind and they want to accomplish it!

    How can we similarly feel driven to accomplish? There's no easy answer to this. Sometimes it just happens. Some people are driven from a young age. You have to find out what gets you going and what you're interested in. Bottom line, it's a lot of running around and living life. It's not easy to find out where we belong! It takes time, and not always the same time! Again, reality rarely behaves like it does on paper! Desire is not intent! There're few times in life when things are black or white. There's a lot of gray.

    I realize me sitting here comfortably in my chair and telling others that acquiring life skills will help them to feel better about how they look is not going to help much. That's true! As I said in my last post here, many of you, maybe most of you, will have to live the next 10 or 15 years of your life or more before you understand! And some people don't even live long enough to understand. One thing I don't do is assume that life is like what we judge it to be on paper. We like to assign rules and laws to things to classify and create order of the mess out there. But reality often misbehaves. I'm just saying this to maybe make you feel more confident that you'll be able to confront life challenges. I won't mislead you by saying that everyone succeeds. Many do not. Where there're happy successful people there're many who have fallen. Life is not without its tragedy. But keep you head up and try not to get too discouraged by your looks. Keep one foot in front of the other as you walk. Follow the basic principles we've been given for the past few thousand years.

    Above all, live! Don't get stuck in the cobwebs!
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 14, 2011
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