Looking back on things

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KathyLynnKilroy, Apr 14, 2007.

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  1. KathyLynnKilroy

    KathyLynnKilroy Active Member

    I guess, when I look back on things, I really didn't have much reason to kill myself. Not even now, really.

    After all, our income evaporated two months ago. We don't really have the capacity to work. Too many bad things have happened that left us scarred, so if we tried to work, we would both be having flashbacks galore. Which is always fun, and probably entertaining for our coworkers.

    "Hey, Bob! Betcha' five dollars when the security guard comes around she has a flashback!"

    That would be a lot of fun to live for. So would throwing hot coffee on the boss after she unwittingly causes a flashback, too.

    So anyway, working's probably out of the question. So no income, no employment prospects. Rent's due in less than a week. Everyone we went to for help thinks we're performers from the Barnum & Bailey Circus ready to jump through hoops for their entertainment, and there appears to be no real advocacy groups here.

    I suppose we could fight all this. We could just jump on their desks, grap them by the lappels, yank them out of their cushy chairs, and cry out, "Hey! We're almost homeless here and we need your help! Just clucking help us so we have the time we need to fix it ourselves!"

    Of course, that would fix a lot of problems - probably while giving us criminal records. More trauma. More junk piled high on top of what we already have.

    We could lose everything - again. BTW, that would likely put this one in prison, too. Another grand solution.

    Going to a hospital this close to rent being do is a marvelous idea. We'd return and be locked out of our home and all our possessions would be by the curb.

    Why did we lose our income in the first place? Because they screwed up and told us we had to fight them to fix it. When we did, they got angry and threw us out of the office, and told us to come back when we were calmer.

    Incidently, we were as calm as could be expected while they were giving us four different stories and asking us which of twenty five different addresses were were living at - three quarters of which this one had never heard of.

    Turned out that before this, they sent paperwork to someplace in Ukraine, and asked us if we were still living at Edmund Sound after verifying our correct address just five minutes before.

    Everything's broken. Fixing it will take too long, and we will lose too much. On top of all that, we run the risk of being hurt even more seriously than we seriously can handle. We have pretty much tapped all our resources out - including begging, borrowing and stealing from our friends. What's even better is that we both have been through this waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much before and we know what's coming, and we just won't live through that again.

    We are still trying to get help, but at this time, we consider our chances to be pretty remote that we'll get that help, and if or when we do, we'll likely end up getting it waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too late to help us.

    We have decided, if our resources absolutely crap out before our financial problems are fixed, there will no longer be any point in trying to resolve anything. Indeed, it will just be better for everyone for us to find a train and jump in front of it.
  2. sadsong

    sadsong Staff Alumni

    Hi, welcome to the forum :)

    I'm sorry you're under so much financial strain at the moment, please believe me when i say that i understand. I really do.

    It's hard to get the authorities to help, but please go and beg them to help you, especially you have valid reasons to be off work, you could get benefits or something. I know it wouldn't be much but it's better than nothing and being homeless.

    Have you sought help from a doctor for how you're feeling? From the way you are speaking of "this one" and "we" am i right in thinking that you have some sort of multiple personality condition? Please forgive me if i am wrong. There are people here who will be able to relate to you and help support you through this.

    Please stick around and get the support you need.
    Take care
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