looking for a reason to live and not finding any!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by worthless moron, May 26, 2013.

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  1. worthless moron

    worthless moron New Member

    ok first off hello all i have found myself here and dont know why to be honest. is it cos im in crisis and wanna talk? is it because i feel worthless and got nothing to live for or is it because i simply have nowhere and noone to turn too? either way im here and i think i need to be!

    i dont even know where the heck to start!
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi again there is a crisis line you can talk to if and when you need some professional support hun You can talk here anytime ok reach out for support You will be heard here and understood no judgement either hun hugs
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Welcome to SF, glad you have found us. It can be hard to talk about your feelings at first, but it will get easier the longer you are here. You can post here anytime you want and there will always be someone around to help and listen.
  4. worthless moron

    worthless moron New Member

    ok so whats up?

    well ill start with my mother, she never has really been a mother to me never cared or shown me love. we havent spoken in at least 10 years since she put her dogs before her son and first born grandson. no problem it hasnt bothered me untill today. i was speaking to my uncle on the phone and he told me some devastating news......... my mother has recently had several strokes and appears to be on her last legs the reaction he got didnt shock him but has ripped me wide open.

    its left me angry upset confused the whole wrorks! ive done nothing but cry since he told me and although shes never been a mother to me and never shown me any love i just want my mum i want to hug her and tell her i love her. i can never forget or forgive her for what shes done in the past but shes my mum. but why do i want to after all shes done am i freaking insane how can i care about someone who hurt me as much as she did.

    ive not seen or spoken to my sisters for years and have found out both are married and happy with children nephews and nieces ill never know :-( and this is also upsetting me but i think its all affecting me so much because my lifes in turmoil.

    im 33 living on my own with no family or friends no girlfriend (dont expect to get 1 either) 2 previous failed relationships and 3 lost children. 1st relationship gave me my first born a lad yes get in lifes good lifes great for the first 4 years then aged 5 she took him and went to start new relationship with her new fella i got told by solicitors i had no rights with regard my son and end result was me surrounded by police pouring a can of fuel straight over my head court proceedings followed and basically i was told i could send him birthday and xmas presents and write to him 3 times a year! i made mistake number 2 here and walked away saying im a dad not a f....ing penpal! i havent seen or spoke to my son since and yes it hurts every day and i regret walking away but felt it best he be left alone. since then relationship number 2 results in 2 little girls whose mother is a wrongun so much has happened i can not tell it all but long and short of it is im not seeing my girls because the mother has broken the court order but i cant get back into court due to legal aid being refused, add to all this the mental health the unemployment the benifit cuts and changes the fact i can not afford stay in this house but can not get help to move because im not a priority.

    basically everything that can go wrong is or has gone wrong and im sat here feeling like a worthless piece of u know what! am i suicidal? well ive placed a hose on the backseat of car so guess ive allready started in a way. my heads like an impossipuzzle with pieces missing!
  5. worthless moron

    worthless moron New Member

    hi total and witty, sorry i was typing that lot which got deleted 8 times.
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