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Looking for a therapist, getting overwhelmed, pretty sure none can help

Discussion in 'Therapy and Medication' started by Gonz, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    So yeah, what it says in the title.

    I’ve been looking online for a therapist. And every one I check out, I get a strong feeling that that they’re not going to be able to help me. I don’t know how to describe it exactly. It’s like they’re all looking for clients who are considerably more, I don’t know how to put it, functional? than I am.

    I’ll read their descriptions of what kind of issues they deal with, and it seems pretty clear that they’re targeting relatively normal people who are looking for help with relatively minor issues. Not so much people like me whose lives are kind of a disaster.

    I mean, it’s all shit like “Are you dissatisfied with your life? Have trouble communicating with your partner? Feeling down all the time? These problems are fixable, therapy can help you meet your goals and be your best self.” Or some bullshit like that. And what I need is the one who says “Are you completely batshit crazy? Occasionally delusional? Has your life become a raging fucking dumpster fire? Well there’s little hope of ever being normal, but maybe therapy can get you to the point where you’re not actively hoping for death.”

    Sorry, I’m having trouble putting it into words. I just get the feeling that if I tell them what’s really going on in my head beyond just saying “I have depression and anxiety” they won’t be able to deal with it. And just the process of looking fills my head with hopelessness and anxious thoughts. It’ll be so much worse if I ever try actually talking to someone.
  2. nobodyknows71

    nobodyknows71 Forum Pro SF Supporter

    No offence meant but your descriptions made me laugh out loud.!!

    But seriously I hear what your saying. If you're after advice I would say go with one you're feeling the least resistance to. Realistically you can't know if anyone can help you if you don't ever take the leap (scary as it is) and talk to one. As you can tell from being around the forums therapists can't be 'one size fits all' as people have such differing problems.

    Therapy is a challenge but if you find the right person it can do a lot if good.

    Good luck
    Gonz likes this.
  3. Innocent Forever

    Innocent Forever Go as long as you can. And then take another step. Chat Pro SF Supporter

    This made me laugh too.....
    Though yeah I could relate.
    How do you put it into words etc......
    I know that there are the great therapists out there, though not sure how to find them. Don't give up.......
    Take care...
    Gonz likes this.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Oh my god, the descriptions you gave had me in hysterics, I have had the day from hell so thank you so much for giving me that much needed humour I needed in my day.

    I think you should give it a try at least once, maybe the therapist can help the batshit crazy ;) which you're not :p Maybe the therapist will have a clue what to do, what to advise, know where you can get further treatment,where to go if they cannot feel they can help you, just give it one go, it can't hurt to try it, if you're at rock bottom you can only go upwards. I love your sense of humour and I also have a lot of experience with agoraphobia so you can speak to me if you'd like :)
    Gonz likes this.
  5. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    I read this and something kind of clicked in my head. If I don’t try to think of it as finding someone who can help me themselves, it’s easier. I mean, realistically, there’s likely people out there who can help me. My problem is that I can’t seem to find them. And the thought of having to do so by trial and error is what has me so overwhelmed. But the ones I’ve been dismissing as almost certainly unable to help (and I still think I’m probably right about most of them), there is one thing they’re in a pretty good position to do; point me toward someone who can.

    Thank you, this has me a bit more hopeful.
    Lulabelle likes this.
  6. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    oh god, dude, I'm sorry but this made me laugh too. If you ever need a second job it should be writing.

    Look, pick someone. If you don't like them then you pick another. That's how it goes. You probably have to go through a person or two before you really click with someone. You might strike it with the 1st one from the straight away and luck out.. or it might take you four or five over a period of time. But there are people who can help you. Hell, WE understand you just fine. You're not bat shit crazy. Seriously.
    Innocent Forever likes this.
  7. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    Gonz likes this.
  8. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    I know. You’re completely 100% right. Well, except for one thing, I'm crazier than I let on. But yeah, I need to just do it. I’m just stalling and dragging my feet because I’m scared. I mean, I have panic attacks just doing basic stuff like grocery shopping. You have any idea how bad it’s gonna be going to see someone? And that’s only after setting an appointment, and waiting and dreading it for weeks or maybe months, and dealing with all the insurance crap. It’s already a nightmare and I haven’t even got to the part where I have to sit across from some stranger and tell them all the most personal shit about me. And then knowing I’ll have to go through that whole process multiple times. If I was able to deal with all that, I wouldn’t need help in the first place. Yeah, so much for that hopefulness I was talking about a minute ago. The more I think about this, the harder it seems.

    All I really want is for my wife to go with me and hold my hand, then I think I could do it.

    Last edited: Feb 28, 2018
    Lulabelle and Innocent Forever like this.
  9. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Sometimes you can have an initial appointment with them over the phone which may give you an idea if you're going to get along. Maybe that would help?
  10. Innocent Forever

    Innocent Forever Go as long as you can. And then take another step. Chat Pro SF Supporter

    What did you decide?
  11. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    I finally found a place that seems reasonable. They have a number of therapists, so it’s possible there’ll be at least one I can work with. And a psychiatrist, so I won’t have to go somewhere else for medication. And their description of the types of issues they deal with is less hopelessly vague than most, and feels like it might actually apply to me.

    That last bit is the most relevant. I know that I’ll likely have to try at least a few people before I find the right one (assuming that such a person exists, but I’m trying to stay hopeful). But, realistically, I only have the mental energy to deal with that so many times. So if I get the feeling that a therapist is mostly accustomed to helping bored people with issues that probably don’t actually need therapy, then I’m not gonna waste my time. Unfortunately, I get the feeling that that’s most of them, around here anyway.

    So now I’m just trying to build up the courage to make an appointment. It’ll be soon, I hope.
  12. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    You might ask about an intake appointment, someone you can ask who is likely to be most helpful to YOU specifically. I mean, I've been to the shrink for depression and that's very different for going for grief or gender shit, you know? People specialize in different things and you are paying for a service, get what you need, bud.
  13. Innocent Forever

    Innocent Forever Go as long as you can. And then take another step. Chat Pro SF Supporter

    Good luck..
    Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel like asking AH (therapist I've been skyping) why he's still sticking out the hell I put him through. Really though it's his choice for signing up to it.....
    It's hard but you can do it....
    Sending strength your way
  14. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter


    Any progress or outcome so far?
    Innocent Forever and Lulabelle like this.
  15. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    @DrownedFishOnFire Not yet. Disappointed with myself. Still trying to build up the courage to get it done.
  16. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    It does take time to build up enough power to break that ice.

    You can do it when you are ready to start the ball rolling. I believe in you
    Gonz likes this.