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Looking for a Way Out?

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I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel trapped in a place I don't want to be, with a person I don't want to be with and I feel like the only way out is to die.

Every morning I wake up I have the desire to die and I can't get it off my mind. I am currently taking no measures to end my life. I don't know what to do about it.

My girlfriend is pregnant. She cheated on me just after we first met and she has had a reputation for being a ***** in the past. I'm quite sure that it is my child she is pregnant with. I thought I loved her but she hurt me badly. I've moved to another country to be with her. We met in my hometown where she used to study and we visited each other. Now I'm living with her I feel trapped. I can't forgive her betrayal and I feel like there is no way out because now I have to prepare for the arrival of my child in the new year. I hate myself for not just leaving her when I found out she had cheated on me with a married man. I thought I could rise above her level and forgive her. But I just feel so pathetic when I give her attention. I really want to punish her. I sometimes think that maybe if I had a one night stand that it would feel as if we are even and maybe I'd be able to love her again and forgive her. I know that two wrongs don't make a right. I wouldn't want to do that. I'd rather she was not pregnant and just leave her now that I realise that I don't love her and that I can't forgive her. But she is pregnant with my child. I am jobless in a strange place where don't know anyone but her.

I desperately want to get out of this situation, but the only way out is death.


Owner Emeritus
First of all, welcome to SF. I'm sorry you're going through so much.

I think you need to find out for sure if the baby is yours. I don't know if that's something that can be found out before the baby's born, or if you have to wait until after. But I think it's important for you to make sure it's yours.

Are you working? Can you try to save some money to move out on your own? You shouldn't have to be trapped in a situation where there's no trust, and you aren't happy.
I am not working. I have nowhere to go. I've been having suicidal thoughts and feelings for many years but I don't think I've ever felt so trapped as I do now.

I wish I had never met this woman. She is sucking the life out of me.
I have family and friends back home (hundreds of miles from here). I should have just told her that I didn't want the child when we discovered that she was pregnant. I thought i did want the child and I still do but I don't want to be trapped with her. I would be the bad person in the eyes of outsiders if I just left her now. And what would happen to my child? I just sent the pictures from the first scan of the child last week to family and friends and I've been putting on a front to them and her that everything is fine.

They do not know what she did. I continued to have unprotected sex with her after I found out. I don't know what I've got myself into, but I feel so foolish for not escaping this rotten relationship earlier. She is in love with me because I've treated her with lots of love and respect since day one. But that's just the way I think people should be treated and I think I deceived myself into thinking that we were soul mates or some similar nonsense.

I only moved in with her a few weeks ago. Obviously i have no one else to blame for my situation but myself. What she did was disgusting, but I should've just told her where to go when I found out. I thought I could forgive, but I can't. It's eating me up inside. I feel so hurt, used, lonely, helpless and powerless. I desperately want to find the courage to make an efficient suicide bid, but if I go through with a serious attempt, it must work. I am not attempting suicide to fail.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
first off get a paternity test okay be sure that way at least you will know
second get councilling marriage councilling to deal with the cheating
staying with her is not good for you or the child really if the child is yours you can get visitation rights talk to someone in your family you trust okay get some guidance first get the paternity test done.


Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
I agree with TE that you should get a paternity test.. You don't know how many times she has cheated with this man..Once the test is done then I would have your family send you money to come home.. You can get visitation rights to the baby..Holidays and maybe for the summers..Thats what I did with my daughter..My ex was a tramp..It took me along time to figure that one out because I loved my daughter..
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