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Looking for advice

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by dcoleman, Nov 14, 2011.

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  1. dcoleman

    dcoleman New Member

    Hi everyone,

    I am new to this forum and signed up because I am at a loss for what to do.

    Here is the story:

    Just shy of 2 years ago, my mother passed away after fighting a long bout with cancer. My father, who has been an alcoholic since he was a teenager, was at her side for the entirety of the battle. He is the kindest person who I have ever had the pleasure to know. He would go out of his way to help anyone at any time.

    Unfortunately, this kindness has come with a high cost. He is constantly stressed out and that only leads to more drinking. He feels that drinking is the only thing he has left despite knowing that both my brother and I love him very much.

    This past June, he had a major heart condition that required immediate surgery. His aorta burst from his neck, down to his abdomen. He managed to survive and get well with almost no complications.

    Now, he doesn't follow his exercise programs and drinks heavily every night. He has been diagnosed with depression, but that never stopped him from drinking while on medication.

    Most recently he mentioned to my brother that drinking is all that he has left, and we both feel that he has basically given up on life. When I visit him, which is twice a week, everything seems fine. But when I talk to my brother, i hear a whole other side of the story. Apparently, he is having problems breathing again (second time, first i took him to the hospital).

    Tonight when I found this out, I had talked to him and he didn't mention a thing. I have a strong fear that he feels that talking to me will disappoint me. He relates far better to my brother than I.

    I think my brother may be a little depressed as well. He has a great heart, but I believe this is taking a toll on him as well.

    There is far more to the story, but that is the gist of it.

    I am at a loss and don't know what to do. I am a very different individual who has a hard time relating to people. Just like my mom, I love my dad very much and am not willing to give up on him. I really don't know where to start. Thank you for reading, and any help would be appreciated.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...so sorry about both your mom and dad...maybe writing something to him would allow you to express what you cannot say verbally. I find that I am less inhibited in my writing...also, maybe counseling for you so that this does not have the effects like it has had on your brother. I hope you know that he sees you as a loving son, but has a disease which is exaserbated under these situations...welcome again
  3. dcoleman

    dcoleman New Member

    Thanks a lot for your kind words and response. I remember when he barely survived his heart condition. I wrote an email to a friend. Perhaps if I post it, you could give it a read?

    Thanks again for all of your help.
  4. Being there for him, and making sure he knows that you're not going anywhere is the only thing left to do for him. As an alcoholic myself I know what it feels like to feel like the bottle is your best friend. ...that part is harder.
    As for you, you are doing your best. I hope everything works out for you.
  5. dcoleman

    dcoleman New Member

    Thank you very much for your reply.

    I had a good conversation with my dad last night. I kept it very friendly and light, and made sure to mention that I am always here (any time a day) for him to call if he needs anything.

    The tone of the conversation was great and I felt good afterwards.

    Even in the short amount of time since I have joined this site, I have received great comfort from the replies I have received. Just putting my feelings down somewhere helped alot. I want to thank you both for giving support to a complete stranger. You have really helped me.
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