Looking for help!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Dasher83, Jan 1, 2010.

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  1. Dasher83

    Dasher83 Member


    I joined this site in September but have only just plucked up the courage to post anything.

    Obviously im here because things in my life are not good at the moment and i guess i dont know what to do or who to speak to, i dont really have anyone to speak to!

    Im 26 and am from England, i have a good job but i recently broke up with my girlfriend, she finished it and now have absolutely no contact with her. She was my first girlfriend since i split up with my wife, she had an affair, which hurt!!

    I dont really talk to people because i always assume that everyone else has problems and doesnt want to hear mine but i really am at the end of the line.

    I have got a plan of what to do, where, how and have written the letters.
    Something must be keeping me here though because i am writing this.
    My mum killed herself 5 years ago and my family have never got over that, they wont talk about it, ever.

    I know everyone gets a broken heart at some stage in their lives but even after 4 months of being apart i still wake up each morning and cry, i miss my ex so much it physically hurts. I hope someone can just tell me things are going to be ok because im so alone and im scared.
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I feel your pain.
    I wish that I could just forget about my ex- but he doesn't love me anymore and I'm still desperately in love with him. We were together for 7 years and knew eachother for 10.
    This hurt is enveloping to everything I do, and it's really hard to press on...
    I know that in time it will pass; no matter how hard it is now.

    We're here to talk to you when there's no one else you can turn to, so please post as much as you'd like- no matter how trivial you think the problem is.
    Time heals all, apparrently.
    Just hang in there, okay?
  3. Dasher83

    Dasher83 Member

    Thank you Kittygirl,

    I would give absolutely anything to have just 1 day without the pain i feel at the moment. Im sure you exactly what i mean, love can be the most amazing thing but it can also tear you to pieces.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just wanted you to know that we're here to listen and help you get through the tough times. :hug: I'm glad you decided to post!
  5. Dasher83

    Dasher83 Member

    Again thank you.

    Its nice to know that people in the world actually care about one another.
  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I care too...do you need/want to talk more? How you feeling now? Any better? You are not alone you have us! :arms:
  7. Dasher83

    Dasher83 Member

    Thanks Bambi,

    I went to sleep at 8 yesterday, i didnt know what else to do. I think thats pretty much all i do.
    Still feeling terrible, the really dark thoughts of ending it are still there and they get stronger or weaker on their own, i have no idea of how to stop them.

    If i let my mind stay on my ex i just want to dissappear, to vanish like a hole would swallow me up.
    I dont know how i have got to this place. I do hope that something in me will change otherwise i know i wont last the month, no matter how much i go and see people.
    That makes me feel so guilty its unreal.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know it's easier said than done, but try not to feel so guilty. You're doing the best you can. You're still here, and you're trying. That counts for so much!! :hug:

    Time will heal the pain of what happened with your ex. It's a slow process, and I know there are times when you don't think you'll be able to get through it. But you can, and you don't have to do it alone.
  9. Dasher83

    Dasher83 Member

    I guess i partly feel guilty because compared to alot of people on this website my life seems ok, i have a good job, although they found out about my depression recently, i have a certain amount of family, i was never abused bullied or anything.

    I just find it difficult at times to feel any hope for the future, i feel like i have no rudder or direction. I feel alone. When one loses hope its so hard to carry on. What is there to carry on for?

    Im frightened that i will take my own life, i have been on Mirtazapine for ages and am having counselling but that doesnt seem to be working.

    I feel like i should be quiet and stop complaining. Im sorry.
  10. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    First of all, do not feel guilty for the way you are feeling. It's not your fault to feel this way and you don't have to have been through something incredibly traumatic to be feeling this way, we're all affected differently by different things so don't feel guilty about how you're feeling.

    It gets hard sometimes and you do lose hope, so that's when we have to think about what we have to live for, family, friends, pets, job, whatever it is...that will give you some determination to carry on. If you feel you have nothing to carry on for then change that and start doing things that will make you want to carry on, find a hobby or whatever it is. Give yourself reasons to keep going.

    If you feel you don't have any direction then just try out different things, different hobbies etc, don't pressure yourself if you don't have direction yet just do different things you enjoy and take it from there.

    Maybe you can try changing your meds? different councellor?
  11. Dasher83

    Dasher83 Member

    Hi Colourful,

    Thanks for the advice.
    I will possibly go see the quack on monday, although this is second type of meds i have been on :(

    I really was doing ok recently, i thought i was coming out of the other side of my depressive episode but seem to have slipped violently back towards the bottom.

    I know i have bottled everything up for such a long time that i have ended up here. My ex finishing it was the last straw.
    I went out for a walk today even though the snow was bad but all i ended up doing was looking for the best place to string myself up. I cant seem to shake those thoughts even when i try to do something positive.

    I feel trapped by wanting to die and not being able to do it as it will destroy my family.
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Agree with the last post. And please don't be quiet. You can post here as much as you want to. Your problems are just as important as anyone else's.
  13. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    There are still other types of meds you haven't tried so be patient. :hug:

    You might have to go through a lot of ups and downs before you start to heal properly, and even then your life will always consist of ups and downs, that's life. Just don't let the downs discourage you because it can and will get better, and it will make the ups so much more worthwhile.

    Since you have been bottling everything up until now it's no wonder you're feeling this way, you're finally getting all your emotions out of your system, which is good. It's time to let them go. The way you're feeling now is a result of that, do what you need to do to get them out, cry, scream, write a letter, post on here..just don't keep bottling things up.

    I know the thoughts can be very hard to deal with, my advice is whenever you're feeling really suicidal is to talk to someone, anyone until it passes and try to distract yourself as much as possible. Finding the right meds for you will help you with the thoughts so be patient.
  14. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    i dont know how you feel because i never had real relationship in my entire life. all i can say is let the suicidal thought pass.
  15. rxrxrx

    rxrxrx Member

    Hey, I don't know if you are religious (I am not) or like to read but I've read two relatively short things that helped me out a lot - The Prophet by Khalil Gibran and A Grief Observed by CS Lewis. I suggest checking them out, particularly the CS Lewis.
  16. Dasher83

    Dasher83 Member


    I am quite religious, i am a catholic, i do find talking to the priest helps but i feel ashamed about how i am.

    I will check those books out.
    At least i'm still here, this site has helped so much, its nice to know that i am not alone in feeling like i do, that people out there, complete strangers want to help one another. The world doesn't seem such a dark place.
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