Looking for opinions on Adderall (this is long, sorry)

Discussion in 'Therapy and Medication' started by Songie, Feb 1, 2013.

  1. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    (DISCLAIMER: (lol) Firstly I'd like to say that I'm not in any way condoning or encouraging the use of adderall when you are not prescribed it. If this is any way innappropriate I understand that the forum staff will remove it and offer my sincerest apologies. I tried to keep in clean, but this is a hard topic to stay clean on...I hope I did okay)

    Ok, before i start, I know this is long but please bear with me or skip down to the bottom and at least answer my questions ;) I have PTSD, Bipolar (I stopped seeing my therapist before they deemed me old enough to decide which type) and extreme anxiety. The simplest way to explain this is just the plain truth. My disorders run my life. Most of the time I can't leave my house, can't talk to people, even people I know. I freeze up, hyperventilate (and occasionally even pass out if i dont find a paper bag to breathe into fast enough). I've tried many different medications over the years. This started with depression meds (which triggered my mania from my Bipolar disorder quite severely and sent my life into a tail-spin for about 3 years) and anxiety meds.

    They didn't help, obviously, they were the wrong drug. And then I got passed around on Bipolar meds for a while in an attempt to "fix" me. And, well, as you can see since I'm now typing about it here..it didn't work so well. There was one drug i was on (I wanna say Lamictal?) that worked alright. Or at least didn't make me worse. But none of them were really able to clear up my problems (not that I think bipolar will ever go away, moreso the struggles with anxiety that were effecting me day to day).

    I've been looking into adderall, and I've seen some things about it being prescribed to people with Bipolar disorder, but usually only for small amounts of time to test and see if it makes their manic problems worse. Now, while I know that this is a medication post and not drug abuse, I can't simply ignore the fact that many people in the US (and other places, I'm sure) abuse the drug adderall. It gives them energy, extreme focus and loosens them up. As far as I've been able to tell (through personal experience and speaking with others who have been prescribed adderall), most people seem to get this effect from it. There is also occasionally nausea.

    The only reason that I'm listing these things off is because if you know anything about bipolar, then you know that abusing adderall is forcing yourself to get a manic episode. The racing thoughts and large amounts of energy, feeling extremely optimistic. They've said that it, however, can also cause the negative effects of a manic episode. So, things like being unable to focus (wouldn't happen on adderall), being unable to sleep (wouldnt happen on adderall as long as taken early in the day as it is usually prescribed) and... (this is the kicker), becoming extremely impulsive, lack of good judgement, risky behavior.

    If you are bipolar, then you know that sometimes the "high" feeling from mania can be a very pleasant thing. But it doesn't stay that way. That's one of the ways that my therapist helped me identify when I'm getting manic. Is that suddenly i just feel great, like I could fly almost. Not literally of course. But the "high feeling" from mania has drawbacks, like I mentioned above. You're more likely to do something stupid, pretty much. Another drawback that I personally have experienced is feeling like I'm in extreme pain even though I'm not. Emotional pain, that is. For example, If my boyfriend is at work for 9 hours and i spend most of it manic then i'm likely to be crying and convinced I'm all alone in the world and that no one cares me or wants to be around me when he gets home...when I know that those things arent true, but my mind wants me to believe it is.

    So, if you guys have personal experience with the drug adderall (with our without the bipolar disorder) please let me know what you think about this. Overall, what i've figured out is that when I was on adderall I felt like my world was finally right side up again. And I don't mean just getting a high off of it like your standard druggie. I don't feel impulsive on it, I feel more in control of myself and my body than I ever have. And not in a delusions of grandeur kind of way. I don't think I can walk on water. I just felt like...a person. I felt like all the little dark corners of my mind that hold all of my monsters was suddenly just gone, replaced by focus. I was able to sit down and have lovely conversations with friends that I hadn't been able to go out and see in weeks. I was able to ACTUALLY talk to them. I wasnt dying inside or wishing I could disappear...I was just hanging out.

    I don't know who you are that's reading this, or if you've ever been hurt. Truly hurt. and had it haunt your every step..for years. But if you have...can you imagine if that all just suddenly went away? If suddenly you weren't afraid anymore, you weren't going he-man either and trying to jump off bridges cuz you can "fly" or anything...you just felt normal? but more, focused. I'd like to say there's no loss of inhibitions but I think there is a bit. But not like with alcohol or something else like that. Alcohol can take over your decision making process, and although I've seen some research that says otherwise, all of my personal experience (and the experience of people I know) has shown that it DOES give the positive effects of a manic episode, but without the negative drawbacks.

    Sorry, I've lost track of my question I think. (not that I truly think anyone will take the time to read this, i probably wouldn't.) So, back on topic. Why isn't adderall more widely supplied to people with anxiety and bipolar disorder? The only draw backs i've found for bipolar is pretty much that they say that it can trigger a manic episode (negative effects included), but as I said, i've never experienced this and I don't know anyone else who has. (((SERIOUSLY if you have opinions on this I do want to know!!!)))

    And then there's just the anxiety by itself. I firmly believe that we are hurting the people in our country who suffer from PTSD and anxiety by not making this drug more available to people with severe cases of it. I know a person (I won't say his name, but I will say that I've known him for years) that didn't leave his house unless it was planned at least 3 days in advance. He thought that if he went out with it unplanned he'd surely die. And he truly believed that. He was also terrified of water (all bodies of water, big or small). He told me once that he took a trip somewhere (once again, wont be more specific for privacy reasons) for like 2 weeks and they didnt have a shower head in his motel. So he didnt shower. because he couldnt be around a bathtub full of water. People shouldn't have to live like this. We deserve BETTER than this, better than the pain and fear that we feel everyday.

    And our soldiers deserve it. The men who've come back (some of them no longer whole) from fighting for our country...the ones that their wives stay up at night and hold them because they can't sleep because of the slaughter that constantly lives in their mind...they deserve better, they deserve something not just to help "take the edge off" and maybe make a difference 5 years or so down the line when you've had so much therapy you can identify their techniques to them.

    Anyways, Apologies, I don't mean to rant (well, I kind of do, but I want it to be an informative rant). I just feel like adderall could make alot of people's live's easier. Make a lot less people live in pain. And I want to hear some other educated (or semi-educated, or just guessing, or just opinions) guesses/opinions/comments about this. I don't pretend to know everything and there may be things here about either the way that the drug interacts with the disorders or maybe just with the drug itself. And i'd like to know what you guys think...if you didnt stop reading this already ;)
  2. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    Sorry if this is in the wrong place or too long or...Idk, I thought about finding a rants place to put it...but it really wasn't meant to be a rant, it was meant to be opinions/seeking more opinions and i thought people wouldn't reply to it if i put it up as a rant.. :)
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Unfortunately people do abuse this drug so doctors do not want to prescribe it I think it is between the person and the physician to decide if the med is appropriate or nto If it is being abused that person will soon find out the hard way that doing this will cause more harm then good to the heart and other organs

    You say the drug worked for you are you still on it then if not why not It is a medication that when used for the right reasons can have great benefits but when abused can have dire outcomes
  4. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    OMG ITS TOTAL ECLIPSE!!!! Idk if you remember me haha, but we totally know each other from a long time ago ;) Thanks for your opinion, I'm really interested to see what other people think about this. I'm very torn about it. Adderall isn't generally used to treat what I have, because it causes the manic phases. But, like i said, i didnt feel like i got the negative effects of the manic phase. I didn't feel out of control of my actions or my emotions, most normal I've ever felt. As far as if i'm still on it...well...uh...i was gonna type a big warning to a mod, just in case this was out of line, but then i realized you're a mod so you'll probably edit it out if it is. I wasn't prescribed adderall. And that's all that i'll say about it. Because once again, i dont agree with using prescription drugs without a prescription. Im just kinda a hypocrite i guess...idk though, i tried it. And i think in moderation (with a doctor, who i'm going to go see about this very soon) that it could be very helpful for me...it could, theoretically, allow me to live my life again. And thats very appealing to me. :)

    Once again, haha, thanks for your thoughts on this, I appreciate it. sorry that the response is almost as long as the original message...im chatty today