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Practical Advice Looking for some guidance....

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#1
How do you ignore what you feel other people think about you? How do you not let it get to you? How do you live happily and f%ck what others think?

I know I am a good person and don't fit into their fucked up category, how to ignore and be content with literally not giving a f%ck what others think and ignore the fact they will talk crap behind your back even if nice to your face?

Practical suggestions please :)
 

Legate Lanius

Well-Known Member
#2
I can think of two ways that I've used. One is pragmatism and short-term thinking, "will what I am thinking help me do the dishes/ get to work on time/ etc". One is more reliable and that is to have a good understanding of why you are being judged. What does the person that does the judging get out of it, how do they benefit? Tie that with evolutionary biology and you should be set to go.

Hope it helps.
 
#3
It's a difficult question. Depends on the person.

If it is a person that you don't respect or want guidance or advice from, you can try and rationalise it by remembering what they say has no effect on your life, it doesn't matter what they think, and it doesn't reflect what others think. Sometimes we can let ourselves think the opinions of people who are nasty about us reflects the opinions of our friends and others around us, when usually this isn't the case.

Maybe this helps? I hope it can a little bit.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
I'm just way too sensitive. I hide away and cry over stupid little things said to me offline, never online. I just, I don't know how to stand up for myself, I'm more of a sheep than a follower. It's hard for me with my condition. I just hope people still respect me. I'm so sensitive and I take certain words with great deal of guilt. A lot of triggers IRL.

Yes - you did help. Thank you so much <3
 

MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#5
I don't know who these people are, who you are referring to, Champagne. . . but if they are not friends &/or family; & by that, I mean close friends (which this sort of behavior would - or should - rule out)... then I'd say it might be a good time to put your foot down, practice some resilience in the form of assertiveness, or being "assertive." And in so doing, doing what is right & best for you! : )

You don't want or need people in your life who do this sort of thing to you. It's hard enough as it is... We don't need any help from any one else! ;)
One thing that might help, is if you could somehow take some lessons in 'not caring so much.' In other words, if you didn't place such emphasis, on how they feel or think about you - and I don't know if this is just gossip on the lighter side / as in funny jokes & such, at your expense however / or if it is more deeply rooted & seeded animosities that are rearing their ugly head. Regardless, and either way - I'd try to gut them from out of my life if I were you. Again, a little harder to do if they're already tied by bonds such as family or friends of other circumstance (that makes it difficult to avoid interaction).

But what's happening, or what you're doing in this breakdown (mini) of sorts, when all the smack talk goes down, is giving them WAY Too Much Power over you & your livelihood, or happiness - in life. That's just in my opinion, o.k.? No problem if you disagree. I just think the situation would get, or be a whole lot easier if you were to care a whole lot less, about what 'they,' say & think & do & feel. Maybe they enjoy living their lives like they're in a TV Drama geared towards teens? Who knows! ;) Hopefully, you get - my point! And no worries if ya don't..:) peace~
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#11
It is pretty easy for me. I don't connect or feel close to many, perhaps any people so it doesn't bother me much to begin with. Another factor for me which I have gone through is unless it is imminent death or serious injury most everything in life is insignificant and irrelevant to me. Good or bad, all things will pass. There is nothing bad or wrong about being sensitive and in fact it is refreshing with how so many others act towards each other.

"I Still Live.". John Carter.
 

Harmony

Well-Known Member
SF Supporter
#12
I think a lot of it comes down to confidence in your self-image. Having positive people in real life to build you up and support you can go a long way. In addition, remind yourself, feeding into someone's two-faced negative mentality gives them control over you. Someone of that character clearly doesn't deserve that. Don't let them have it.
 

the.end.ish

Misknown Member
#13
Having a good sense of self. (for me this involves facing truths and being ok with them)

If they're gossiping about you or belittling you in anyway, that speaks to an insecurity within them and is their problem. They've chosen to make it their issue, but that doesn't mean it has to be your issue.

Setting boundaries. so cutting them out, addressing it with them, withdrawing on your own terms, whatever feels right to you.

Repetition & rationalization: reminding yourself what's true and what's not. it's true that you know yourself better than anyone. they do not, so even though it seems like it, they don't get to have power over you, or influence your opinion of you.

action... doing what you want. not what others want or what is expected.

for me.. i don't like bad or hateful gossip. i think it's cowardly. if i hear something someone has said about me, i prefer to confront them and show them exactly who I am. i find making my own decisions about who others are also helps with not caring about what others think about me, because I think the toxicity of both feeds into each other.
 
#14
Knowing who you are might help. They don't know who you are. You're awesome Champ, and anyone who really knows you knows that. If they really knew you, they'd get down on their knees and beg for your forgiveness for talking trash about you. Skip that, they'd fully prostrate and rub their own faces in the dirt.

The sort of people who talk trash about others are just going to find someone to talk trash about. They have a need to gossip, so they will find any excuse they can to find someone to treat that way. It really has nothing to do with you.

As horrible as their gossiping is, there may be some aspect of them that is not so bad, like maybe they love their dog or cat, something like that. I've heard as general method for dealing with someone who insults you is to first see what is good about them, then look at what is good about yourself.

Hopefully there are also some good people around you who don't go along with their gossip

Hugs
 
#15
I relate :( *sadhug
I'm too sensitive too and even certain words make me feel sick or upset and I too worry what others might be thinking of me. Sometimes I fixate on it too much and end up giving myself anxiety, a headache, crying for hours, I hate that I can't control it or it freaks me out that people can form opinions on me that could be false perceptions etc. I really cant bear the thought of anyone thinking badly of me :(

not sure what advice to give as I need some too, but I understand ♥
 

Dark111

FORMER SF SUPPORTER
#16
How do you ignore what you feel other people think about you? How do you not let it get to you? How do you live happily and f%ck what others think?

I know I am a good person and don't fit into their fucked up category, how to ignore and be content with literally not giving a f%ck what others think and ignore the fact they will talk crap behind your back even if nice to your face?

Practical suggestions please :)
They don't just talk crap to your face unfortunately, Champagne, they'll say it directly yo your face too. Well, most people are cowards so they'll either do something passive aggressive or disguise an insult in another language, some wesel move like that, even when it's unprovoked. In real life I'd say while they're conscious feed them feet first through a wood chipper - you'd be surprised how quickly you get used to the blood - but on a forum you have these moderators letting you get f'd with but when you try to defend yourself, you're the bad guy! You can always dm them what you really think and don't hold back, then block them and you don't have to deal with them again. In real life, just avoid them.
 

Legate Lanius

Well-Known Member
#17
They don't just talk crap to your face unfortunately, Champagne, they'll say it directly yo your face too. Well, most people are cowards so they'll either do something passive aggressive or disguise an insult in another language, some wesel move like that, even when it's unprovoked. In real life I'd say while they're conscious feed them feet first through a wood chipper - you'd be surprised how quickly you get used to the blood - but on a forum you have these moderators letting you get f'd with but when you try to defend yourself, you're the bad guy! You can always dm them what you really think and don't hold back, then block them and you don't have to deal with them again. In real life, just avoid them.
Guessing you had a bad week?
 
#20
How do you ignore what you feel other people think about you? How do you not let it get to you? How do you live happily and f%ck what others think?

I know I am a good person and don't fit into their fucked up category, how to ignore and be content with literally not giving a f%ck what others think and ignore the fact they will talk crap behind your back even if nice to your face?

Practical suggestions please :)[/QUOTE

Some last words are as real in my heart as a cold chill. There are answers in philosophy, Buddhism, 90s fashion. Sometimes if you can create your own space to focus on what is meaningful to you then the other stuff fades away. Imagine an athlete who can drown out the sound of a crowd until after they make a basket or w/e. If all hope is lost it can be found.
 

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