Looking for something...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lost-Girl, Dec 30, 2008.

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  1. Lost-Girl

    Lost-Girl New Member

    I'm 19 and I've been suicidal since I was 15.. I've fantasized about ending it all.. drifting off into a permanent sleep. I can't remember the last day that I didn't have a suicidal thought!

    Generally speaking I have a good life, but I constantly feel alone and like there is no point to life at all! I mean what is the point to life.. you get up, eat, sleep, make money, maybe go out and have a good time a few times a month, and thats it.. the cycle just repeats itself. Wheres the end goal?

    I don't have any real friends, we fell out a couple of years ago and havnt spoken since. I have a boyfriend who says he loves me and although he has done a few things in the 2 years we've been together that he shouldnt have (kissed a girl, sent flirty messages on facebook to girls), I love him more than anything in the world. And I have a family who love me.. to be honest it's the thought of hurting them that has stopped me killing myself so far.. The pain my mum would feel would probably kill her.

    The problem is that I'm fed up fighting.. I'm fed up living life not knowing what the point of it all is.. and I'm fed up waiting for something to happen that will tip me over the edge.

    I've thought about going to the doctors and getting sleeping pills just incase my boyfriend breaks up with me one day.. because I know that if that happened the first thing I would want to do is kill myself.

    I've tried a few times with painkillers and alcohol but it has had no affect, i've just felt sleepy and woke up with a headache.

    I don't know how much longer i can hold on to this feeling, and I don't really know what i'm expecting to find on here.. I guess i'm just.. lost!
     
  2. Locket

    Locket Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry you're feeling so down hun :hug: i know how you feel, not knowing what life is all about and not feeling as if you have much reason to live.
    i'm sorry to hear you and your friends broke up, maybe you could make some more :smile: there are plenty of lovely people on here at least.

    i don't believe life has much point to it or that we have things we're 'meant' to do or 'destined' to be. i think we just follow whatever makes us most happy or that helps us get by.
    do you have a hobby or something you really like doing? you could continue that into a career and have something to work towards? things like that give us meaning in life (and also get us money which is useful).

    anyway, you have a boyfriend who says he loves you and you love him
    surely that helps you feel like you have a purpose :smile:

    thinking of you :heart:
    if you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to PM me :smile: xx
     
  3. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Hi lost girl, first of all let me say, welcome to sf! Glad you found us :)
    I'm really sorry you feel this low. There are many people here who feel the way you do and we are all willing to help any way we can.
    You do have one thing that many of us lack and that is a loving family :)
    Would you be able to tell them how you feel and ask for their help?
    Either way, we are here for you. Lea :hug:
     
  4. hellwithhugewounds

    hellwithhugewounds Well-Known Member

    At some point most people just stop trying to figure life out... But of course we don't do that. I don't believe there is a purpose. The ultimate purpose of life is to fulfill irrational emotional and mental needs. That's all. We spend our whole life fulfilling needs. And then we die. :sad:
     
  5. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Unfortenately that's all there really is to life. You just eat, sleep, make money.. but I guess it's what you make of it. We all have to do those things, but the second part is what should make it worth living to an extent. Going out and having a good time a few times a month.

    If you are still thinking about what bad things he's done in the past maybe he's not the right guy. I don't know, I've never been in love.
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Lost-girl,
    It seems to me that you are trying to live in the future, you seem to be always looking ahead and missing out on what is now. Try to just focus on each day and not fortune telling. It will drive you crazy because there is no way of knowing what lies ahead.
    Maybe if you just focus on what is happening dailey it will bring you and your boyfriend even closer. It sounds like you really love him, but I would sit down with him and let him know that some of the things he is doing are bothering you.
    Try to find things you both would like. Say for instance going out in the country and just walk in the woods and enjoy nature. Or better yet find a bed and breafast in the country and just explore your surroundings. You need simplicity in your life right now to help you cope with these feelings your having. Take care!!~Joseph~
     
  7. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I believe that, whilst in many cases, life may seem pointless and 'monotonous' it isn't. I'm a strong believer that there is a reason we are all here and each of us has a purpose. Whether we find it early on in our life or whether we find it early on in our lives or later on is dependant on the purpose. But you gotta live your life to the fullest that you can and get all you can out of it. We only live once, and whilst it may seem like a pain, you'll find your reason. :hug:
     
  8. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    i agree with you completely and feel that the same way
    i wish i knew an answer to what life is myself
    i guess that if you have goals to aim for, like career wise or whatever then that helps, but yeah i dont think theres any point to life either, and i spend my time trying to fill the void by doing petty things that make me feel happy for a short time
    i guess there is no answer
    if you do find out, let me know
    :)
     
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi lostgirl and welcome to SF. Sorry to hear that you've been feeling suicidal for the past few years. I agree that life does get really repetitive, especially when you fall into your daily routine. But unfortunately, most people's lives are like that. It's up to you to make your life interesting. Everyone is searching for the meaning of life. Maybe you need a spiritual aspect to your life? :hug:
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi lost_girl

    Welcome to sf

    I hope you're feeling better today :hug:

    I'm always here if you need to talk :)
     
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