I'm 19 and I've been suicidal since I was 15.. I've fantasized about ending it all.. drifting off into a permanent sleep. I can't remember the last day that I didn't have a suicidal thought! Generally speaking I have a good life, but I constantly feel alone and like there is no point to life at all! I mean what is the point to life.. you get up, eat, sleep, make money, maybe go out and have a good time a few times a month, and thats it.. the cycle just repeats itself. Wheres the end goal? I don't have any real friends, we fell out a couple of years ago and havnt spoken since. I have a boyfriend who says he loves me and although he has done a few things in the 2 years we've been together that he shouldnt have (kissed a girl, sent flirty messages on facebook to girls), I love him more than anything in the world. And I have a family who love me.. to be honest it's the thought of hurting them that has stopped me killing myself so far.. The pain my mum would feel would probably kill her. The problem is that I'm fed up fighting.. I'm fed up living life not knowing what the point of it all is.. and I'm fed up waiting for something to happen that will tip me over the edge. I've thought about going to the doctors and getting sleeping pills just incase my boyfriend breaks up with me one day.. because I know that if that happened the first thing I would want to do is kill myself. I've tried a few times with painkillers and alcohol but it has had no affect, i've just felt sleepy and woke up with a headache. I don't know how much longer i can hold on to this feeling, and I don't really know what i'm expecting to find on here.. I guess i'm just.. lost!