It's been years since I last held a job or even looked for one. Been leeching off my family for long and suicidal thoughts have come to me as a means to end my useless life. I have problems communicating and school life had been tortuous that I dropped out of school and holed up at home. Only at my parents insistence that I worked, they are service-oriented jobs which I can only find due to my low education and never did last long. The longest being only miserably 6 mths. I feel ashamed of living off my parents at my age and having Social Anxiety (self-diagnosed). Never been to the doc as I'm afraid of even the thought of talking to counselors and I feel I may not open up to them. It's been on my mind for days that if I feel uncomfortable in service-oriented and fast-pace working environment, that I should look for jobs different from that. The most important thing for now is that if I find a job, it will get me out of the house and keep me occupied away from those suicidal thoughts which are becoming increasingly real. Today, I finally sent out my resume to a few jobs that I feel suited to my personality. It's really been years since I hold a job and the very idea of it is making me shake in my boots. I have no idea of how the working society looks like and how I can survive in it. It takes immense courage and I'm hoping that I will hear some good news soon. I'm here because I will very much loved to have some support. This is my one more shot at life.