Looking for Support

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Vorpal, Dec 14, 2008.

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  1. Vorpal

    Vorpal Member

    I am in my early thirties. Outwardly, a high achiever who goes through the motions of a "successful" and "functional" life i.e. degrees plural, high-powered job etc. Inwardly, I want to die on a daily basis. It's been this way all my life. No diagnosis other than depression. Several suicide attempts. Current situation has become critical because of bullying at work that has utterly crushed me.

    I am looking for any other high-functioning suicidals who are of a similar, or older, age to me i.e. 30+ who might want to offer mutual confidential support by email/IM. I'm basically hoping there may be someone else out there who knows what it's like to live the charade I describe.

    I've double posted this to the Crisis Forum because I am actively suicidal tonight and need to talk now, and have copied to Antiquity forum, but as this is my first post, although I have lurked for a year, I thought I would also post here.

  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums. I don't match the criteria that you are looking for but I hope you do find someone.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF :) I hope you find the help and support you need here :hug:
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest


    although many here wont meet your requirements, we all know what its like to live a charade, to wear a mask just to get thru the day.

    you are not alone and support is here

    be strong
  5. Milton

    Milton Well-Known Member

    I don't meet the criteria, but i wish you luck in finding it. Welcome to the forums.
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. I undertand what it is like to mask and lead this double type life. I have been in that place for years, and it seems harder to maintain that public persona all the time. It is a blessing to be able to come here and be who you really are. I hope you are able to find that type of support with us. :hug:
  7. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :D I am not totally the one that would match your desire, but I can relate to some of the things you're going through. Leading a double-life is one thing.

    Hope you can find friends that can.
  8. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF!
  9. Vorpal

    Vorpal Member

    Thanks for your welcomes. I didn't mean to sound overly stringent about what/who I was hoping to find here, I just know that finding someone who is more similar to me than anyone I know IRL might make me feel less alone right now.

  10. Charlie Mine

    Charlie Mine Member

    Hey, Vorpal, I'm 38 and recently retired from vet med, partly because I was becoming so suicidal, and the ways and means were just too accessible there. My most recent close call was a year ago in October. I started crashing at like, 7 pm, was awake and obsessing all night with my husband right beside me in bed, and he never knew anything was wrong. After he went to work I stood over the kitchen sink....never mind. Too much detail.

    Anyway, the upshot is, I think I do meet your criteria, or at least come darn close. You can read more about me if you want to on HubPages:


    or BlogSpot:


    It's easy to say, "Don't let the bullying get you down," but I know damn well that is the most useless piece of advice ever...well, "Don't think about it," is even more useless, I guess, but the other one is close! And you've probably already done so many of the easy things....I told one friend to ask people she trusted to write down one thing they liked about her, or one good/funny memory they had of her. Once she collected them all, she was supposed to frame them and hang them up around her house, and hide them places she would see them often. She was supposed to write some good things she knew to be true about herself (things even SHE couldn't argue with) and put them in prominent places...the reason being that when I'm really down, I don't go LOOKING for things to cheer me up, because guilty is a major factor in my depression, and I don't feel like I DESERVE to feel good. So these things are in places you can't avoid them...and maybe it will help remind you that you aren't as terrible as you think you are.

    you can e-mail if you want at charlie4short@gmail.com

    I don't IM cuz my computer locks up. Damn technology, anyway!

    From one antiquity to another-

    Charlie Mine
  11. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to the forums
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