Hi, I am trying to get in to see a psychiatrist, but it is a few weeks away. I guess I'm looking for some kind of support. I typed out this huge life story explaining all my problems, but deleted it as it was way too long. I became disillusioned with life long ago. Most will not agree with me on the reasons, but there is something very wrong with our world today. I count myself lucky when I look at myself among the spectrum of suffering that exists. And yet all I think about anymore is killing myself. I have health problems that doctors never could diagnose but make my life a living hell, many mental problems that make me unable to function but I've never seen a psychiatrist. I have an extreme drug problem that has made all my other problems a lot worse. I think I always used drugs to cope with the anxiety and depression I felt, but I have reached a point where I have a bad reaction to majority of them and my tolerance is so high with opiates that 20 hours out of the day I am suffering from discomfort despite taking large amounts. An obvious solution would be to stop taking drugs, but I think they are really the only small thing distracting me from ending it all. I really don't have it in me to deal with the physical withdrawal, let alone the psychological withdrawal. I know drug-use in themselves cause depression, cause inability to function, etc. But I had those problems beforehand as well so if I stop taking drugs, I think I'll feel worse for a long time. Maybe I could eventually get there, get on some sort of medication to treat my pre-existing mental conditions. I am still left with my health problems, which humiliate me and terrify me at the same time. I have gone through extensive testing three times now and they didn't find much. An MRI of my brain found something that they wanted me to get some appointment with this place an hour away, so they could check it out, but it was going to take a year to get in so I never made the appointment. Besides, some sort of brain problem wouldn't explain all my problems, I'd rather not go into detail. Now I know depression can cause psychosomatic symptoms, which seem very real, but, for reasons I'd rather not go into much detail with, I am certain it's not the case here. My latest symptom that occurred last year when I got sick for about a month, was double vision when looking at sharp visual contrasts, anything bright with a dark background. Anyway, I guess after re-typing this it's still pretty long. Basically, all these problems are huge hurdles in my life and it all just feels like too much to deal with. I'm 26 years old and I've never had a job in my life, my parents never taught me how to be a functional person, the only reason I'm not homeless is because my father is rich. But he just lets me live with him while we both slowly destroy ourselves. I pretty much know what I need to do to improve my life, I just don't think I'll do it. I've never completed anything in my life, I don't even bathe or brush my teeth anymore. I've tried to change my behavior a million times, never succeeding. Thanks if anyone responds, I appreciate any support I can get.