Looking for urgent support

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Vorpal, Dec 14, 2008.

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  1. Vorpal

    Vorpal Member

    I am new to this board, and in my early thirties. Outwardly, a high achiever who goes through the motions of a "successful" and "functional" life i.e. degrees plural, high-powered job etc. Inwardly, I want to die on a daily basis. It's been this way all my life. No diagnosis other than depression. Several suicide attempts. Current situation has become critical because of bullying at work that has utterly crushed me.

    I am looking for any other high-functioning suicidals who are of a similar, or older, age to me i.e. 30+ who might want to offer mutual confidential support by email/IM. I'm basically hoping there may be someone else out there who knows what it's like to live the charade I describe.

    I've posted this in the Crisis Forum because I am actively suicidal tonight and need to talk now.

    I am going to copy this post to introduction and Antiquity forums.

    --V--
     
  2. KirstyMissJimBob

    KirstyMissJimBob Well-Known Member

    i dont know if i fit into the group of people u were lookin to talk to, but im here for u.
    Have u tried looking for a new job or reporting the bulllying to a Manager or supervisor
     
  3. kote

    kote Account Closed

    i fit into what your looking for - 31 years old and a teacher of english in japan with 2 masters degrees.
    i know how it feels to look at your life and see that you have everything you could ever wish for and more - but you still feel suicidal.
    ive compared my life to others who havent had the fortunate luck i have had but they arent suicidal.
    i feel that its having the ability to achieve that makes it so much harder when you crash because you know that youve let yourself down.
    but its ok as we are only human and to keep on pushing ourselves to our bounderies will only make us more likely to self destruct.
    remember that our reactions are due to the chemicals in our brains and that certain situations produce negative chemicals which make us fall.
    ive been in a repetative cycle for years and now ive stopped fighting it. i was fighting a sickness which just made me more sick. once i stopped fighting and gave in and relaxed and just slept for days with the realisation that i am actually sick and i do need time to recover - unlike a cold it could take months or years. so i quit working and gave up fighting and now im recovering. its a hard and difficult step to make. we all know we are sick but we fight it which makes it worse. pushing yourself further into the depths.
    relax and float and slowly let the pace of the world and your life co-exist and your stresses will seem less of a burden as you can walk away and start again.
    i hope you feel better soon and all the pressure to conform and office politics and even your own expectations drop away and you can take a breather. i know its difficult to do but as a friend told me your health is your wealth. it may mean you need to make financial sacrifices, but in the long run you will be better off than digging your own grave.
    please take a step back and breath and relax.
    i know i cant be of any help, this is just my personal view - but i hope you find something of some use and to know that you are not alone in the way you feel and there is hope for all of us.
    take care and relax.
     
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