The thoughts fluttered around again yesterday. It feels very much out of my control. At least they weren't persistent. They happened when I was alone. I take Xanax up to 3 times a day, but pdoc prefers only 1. So I've been dropping the other two into one pill container. It got up to about 8 yesterday - nothing fatal as far as I know - and when I looked at it, <Mod Edit:Methods>I decided to separate them out. Later after a social function with colleagues, I was distracted with sadness and almost crashed my car by accident. I continued to drive and flash <Mod edit:Methods>" I got home. Relaxed on the couch. Saw the computer. <Mod edit:Methods> I was just talking and feeling how much I'm looking forward to football this weekend. A trip in November. I wish my brain would stop doing this to me. It's not at all cool. Partial Hospitalization Program starts tomorrow. Hoping it can help.