Looking forward to the future

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by aoeu, Feb 16, 2009.

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  1. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Well, my usual threads have attracted supportive responses, and those scare me, so I'm fleeing here.

    I started looking forward to the future again today, for the first time in months. This might seem like a good thing... but it frankly hurts. Looking forward to the future generally involves me getting burned when I find disappointment.

    Emotions I'm trying to avoid: hopelessness, panic, hope.

    It would be easier to just be dead.
     
  2. chiaroscuro

    chiaroscuro Guest

    I stepped out into an open clearing in the middle of the forest during a storm. I laid down on the grass and let the rainfall soak me for a long time. I closed my eyes and focused on the drops hitting my face. The rain was warm and soft against my skin, like someone's tears. When I stood up, I noticed a heavy, calming euphoria had spread through my body. I arrived home in a trance. I rested in my old armchair, feeling the blood pulsing through my veins, counting out the beats of my heart between the crashes of thunder in the distance.
     
  3. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    I try avoid all kind of feelings because there is no one feeling without another coming after it. I cannot handle even the first one...
     
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Old thread... Update: not looking forward to the future. Considering going off my meds so I can get desperate enough to off myself.
     
  5. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Managing your meds on your own, I have experienced will probably give you paralyzing withdrawals or other side effects. Please don't, okay?

    I don't like to fall into a hopeful mindset because it makes my inevitable depressive episodes more severe. I just like to maintain a state without extremes- absolute despair or feeling like I've finally gotten it all under control.
     
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