Looks like it's time guys :(.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by nolonger, Feb 20, 2010.

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  1. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Hey everyone. For some reason I got a fucking head ache but I'm pretty sure that's because I probly had to many pepsi's in the last couple of hours or so. I don't really know why I'm bothering to put this up on here. Maybe if I succeed it'll bring some sought of comfort. Highly unlikely mind you.

    Anyway, I planned to kill myself pretty much starting about now. Usually involving the wrists etc etc. Don't have the guts to or feel like doing it tonight....but I have to do it tomorrow :(. Plus I don't have any decent 'things' to use at the moment. How long does it take to bleed to death? Mmmm that's probly an inappropriate question. I guess I'll do it maybe sometime tomorrow. Or maybe I should start now. Run a warm bath and all. Think it's getting a bit late to do it right now though. Although there are a few different outcomes if I do it tomorrow....

    1. I end up succeeding and well I'm dead lol.

    2. I don't succeed and the pathetic cuts that would have been made are found.

    And 3. I end up cutting my wrist open and I tell mum to call an ambulance. I think she'll be fucking hysterical at what'd be happening at that moment. The brothers and sisters would probly be like "Jesus fucking christ, what the hell's happening".

    I don't really know :(.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Please don't, what's wrong? You can PM me anytime if you want to talk.
     
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey you still around? Are you okay? Please talk to us, like what got you feeling this way and do you have any support?

    We are here for you!
     
  4. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    hey, alot of us care here about you! what makes you think you have to kill yourself?? why do u have to do it by tomorrow?? whats the rush?? i really hope ur mom sees how badly u r feeling before you have time to hurt yourself seriously, and get you some help! is there anyway you could talk to your mom, let her no how u are feeling??
     
  5. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Hi, LongRoad95. You once responded very kindly to one of my posts and I never forgot that. :hug: At this moment I am in a terrible way from sleep deprivation and depression. I just want to die too and I have the misfortune of access to a relative's firearm. I've been battling depression for decades so all I can pull out of my exhausted oatmeal brain to tell you is that you are in a cycle and you will feel much better.

    We have been dealt a short hand having clinical depression but every person has or will fall prey to chronic infirmity(s). Please stay strong until you can feel alive again...you will!!
     
  6. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Guys, not an awful lot has changed. Well pretty much nothing has changed. I'll try to reply to your posts later today sometime if I can(I don't plan on doing it until tonight anways). Thanks for posting and I'll be back later.
     
  7. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    im sorry to here that ....i would tell you not to but im going soon as well...i wish you wouldnt people care about you
     
  8. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Ok so it's pretty much the time I have put in place to end my life. I'll and reply to your posts now.

    Anxiety and the knowledge that it won't changed for a long time has made me make the decision to kill myself. I'm just sick of worrying so greatly about nearly anything and everything. I don't really have any support because no-one knows I'm suicidal. And I take extreme shame in being so. Along with being depressed and anxious. Because there is a massive stigma and all. And it really gets to me so I hide it even though no-one actually knows it anyway. My mum would probly care that I feel this way but what really can she do...nothing. I have problems with who I am, how I look and as I said before anxiety. And I'm very sensitive about anything anyone may say to me(offensive stuff that is). It can seem not all that mean but it just makes me sad :(.

    I've decided to pick tonight(right now) because I have a speech tommorrow for English and it has to go for atleast 3 or so minutes. I just can't handle this anymore. I am a bad public speaker and it just keeps getting worse as I get higher in the grades(In Grade 10 at the moment). It'll just be more anxiety as I go on. Day after day. Let's face it. I'll try and cut my wrists tonight. I mean I WILL do it. Maybe I'll call an ambulance right near the end I don't know. I'm just sad of everything :(.

    I could tell my mum or dad but I'm just way too ashamed of how I feel. Maybe this'll just be a cry for help I don't really know.

    I don't know how anything is ment to help. Lots of things cause me anxiety and it's just so sad and annoying all the time.
     
  9. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    hey, talk to us. you don't have to do this, it can wait but for now talk to us.
     
  10. phasta

    phasta Member

    would you put off doing it if you could avoid having to speak at school tomorrow?
     
  11. CloudCatching

    CloudCatching Well-Known Member

    Part of the human condition is that you have feelings and sometimes subconsciously those feelings result into suicidal thoughts. You shouldn't be ashamed to have these thoughts as even the happiest person alive has had a least one suicidal thought.

    Harming yourself isn't going to subside these thoughts and it may actually do worse if you are scared of anyone knowing. It might actually scare the people around you, so, they might feel as if they'll have to walk on eggshells once they find out. (This being you do go through with it and decide to call and ambulance.) I speak from experience and I don't mean to come off rude, but there are people here that are willing to listen to your problems and try to help you the best they can.

    I know there isn't much people can do through a screen, but they try.

    Also, have you ever been prescribed anxiety medication?
     
  12. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    No, I've never been on any meds for anything :(. And yes I probly would put it off if I didn't have to go to school tommorrow. But they say we have to do it either way and I'm just over it :(.
     
  13. phasta

    phasta Member

    well you're anxious to talk to your mum about your suicidal feelings and thats ok, you don't need to.

    but i think you could talk to her about your anxiety, and i'm sure she'd understand and either talk to your school or let you have the day off at least.

    either way, there is a solution.
     
  14. CloudCatching

    CloudCatching Well-Known Member

    You could probably get prescribed meds for anxiety, but since your speech is today it wouldn't do much good for today... But for future events it would.
     
  15. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Well for now guys. I need to finish this speech. I think I need to sought out this Anxiety problem sometime in the future. Or something very bad could go wrong :(.
     
  16. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    are you ok???
     
  17. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    How did the speech go?
     
  18. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    yeah....how was it? as bad as you'd imagined? better than you could hope? let us know how you are doing today. i'm sure you did great.
     
  19. kote

    kote Account Closed

    its so sad that school makes you feel that way. i remember when i had to give speeches and i was so shy and nervous about it. somehow now it doesnt bother me at all and ive delived a great many speeches infront of huge audiences, if i were you and in your place i would ask my parents to call the school and explain the anxiety you feel and avoid doing the speech.
    after all in the light of day its just a speech in school. your life is far too precious of a thing to waste away due to an academic requirement. school isnt everything and i think even if your teachers knew they would let you pass this one out.
    please dont take it so serious and share how you feel either with your parents or school and get out of this speech after all they and we do care how you feel. take care and i hope things improve. just seek a little help to help you through each day at a time. we all really do care no matter who you are or how you appear or present yourself, you are a fellow human and we all care about each and everyone one of us here at the forums.
    if you still have time i will write the speech for you so you dont have to feel stress about the work just deliver it. i think even if its just handed in and not read you may get marks.
     
  20. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Wow, no offence guys but I didn't expect so many people caring! :laugh:. The speech went better than I thought. It only went for 2 minutes and something even though it was ment to go for 3 mins or so. It was probly in a 'mono tone' as one of my old friends use to say lol :tongue:.

    It was kinda funny...like half of the bloody class didn't turn up probly because of this speech lol...maybe I wasn't the only one :huh:. But I think I did fine. I probly failed that assignment but when it comes down to it I tried to do my best. And if that's not good enough well she can shove it :p lol!.

    Thanks guys :). Alot less stressed..mind you I'll be stressing about something within a bit. Bloody typical hehe.
     
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