i feel really comfortable with suicide. i have come to terms with it. i don't feel scared. i've cut myself off from everybody i used to know. i'm settling things financially. i gave myself a final task.. i've always hated journaling. however, i'm making myself write down this final chapter of my own life. i want it in my handwriting. i think it will explain everything i've suffered and answer all of the "why" questions. i feel like i'm officially on a timer. when the writings end, i end with it. is it weird that i want it written down? i just want somebody to find it and understand what i've been through.