Loosing it

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by *dilligaf*, Jan 7, 2008.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    i think i am loosing it. i cant cope with this pain, i just cant. the last few days/week have been hell. worse than in a long time. there are so so many unanswered questions, answers that i need in order to feel better, but i cant get them because the one person who could help me is gone. where does that leave me.
    people keep telling me it gets better, well im sorry but i dont believe that anymore. nearly 7 months now and i feel almost as bad as i did that night.
    last night i even turned around and said that my nan had been selfish, tried to blame her for me feeling this bad now. why? because most of the unanswered questions are things that she could have answered while she was alive. she was so scared that she refused to talk about any of it. infact for most of her illness she wouldnt even say the word cancer, and we weren't allowed to say it to her. i cant believe i said that, or even thought it. she wasnt selfish. she was scared, dying, and trying not to accept it. i hate myself for thinking that. so much.
    i dont know what i am doing anymore. i dont even know at the moment what i have posted here, so if it makes no sense please ignore me.
    i want to cry so badly. the tears have been in my eyes for days and they wont come out properly. im going to drink, drink enough to upset myself. and then maybe i can cry and let some of this out cos seriously, i cant handle much more of feeling like this...
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Sam,

    This is a very common part of grieving. We feel angry for the lost peron's having left us here without them, and we look at a bunch of things that weren't resolved, maybe not even talked about, and we blame the lost loved one for not getting to it, for not doing it while alive.

    Sweetie, please don't be upset with yourself. You're not losing it. These kinds of feelings are going to come and go - maybe a few times in your grieving process.

    I think maybe your nan didn't want to upset you further with her own pain and fears. Bottom line as always (from me), your relationship with her was built on and filled with love, and that's wonderful to be able to carry that with you now.

    :hug:

    Acy
     
  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    thank you acy

    :hug:

    yr reply means a lot to me x
     
  4. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    big warm :hug: to you Sam.

    granny xx
     
  5. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    thank u hun

    and thank you for the pm as well

    massive hugs xoxoxo
     
  6. GypsyGirl

    GypsyGirl Well-Known Member

    BIG :hug: sam... Oh, hun... I wish I could take your pain away... please don't hate yourself for being human. No one ever truly 'gets over' losing someone so close to them... it may get easier, but it does take time.

    Just remember how strong you are, and that your Nan is always with you and you have her strength too. :hug: Let me know if I can do anything, okay?
     
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thank you hun :hug: